Reflection

I'm sitting down in my room, watching out of the window overseeing the beautiful lake in this windy city, sipping my favorite cappuccino with a hint of hazelnut. Been thinking a lot in the last few weeks. About my values, my strengths. My options, too.

She said, "if you find yourself angry over an action, stop for a minute and explore what made you angry. Usually, the action doesn't align with your values." This must be true. I feel of being hypocritical, some actions I took felt insincere or forced. Surely, didn't make me sleep well sometimes.

Have I become inauthentic? How far gone am I? ... off my values. My conscience seems to scream at me every now and then. I know I have high guilt-proneness in my DNA.

Some may say I need to toughen up. Yes, I'm a softy. But those are my values. I respect people, and I am a relator. If they feel pain, I can feel it too. It's not easy for me. I did not taste success all my life. I had my failures. It's these failures that made me what and where I am today.

A close girlfriend said to me, "You are there for a purpose." To make a difference. She is right. I just need to go back a step, may be a few steps to really look what I had become, and where I should truly go.

So, my sweat, my tears, my thoughts, my actions are worthy. Not just for me, my spouse, my kids, my family. But also, those around me and their families. We are all linked, somehow or the other. My failure would be their failures. I owe it to all of us.

Ya Allah, Ih dinassiratal mustaqim. Amin.

We are still a long way....

Wow it's been almost a year since I last entered this blog. Work has been very hectic. I've tried to become a transformational manager, but I guess I'm still tied up being transactional. 24 hours seem to be not enough to complete my tasks. I'm learning to prioritize, but that's the difficult part.

Over the last 5 months or so, lots of things have happened. I got new bigger projects approved earlier of the year, yet to implement. It's embarrassing. It doesn't feel good meeting stakeholders and telling them - oh! it should start soon. Cause you know, it will take some more time. And yes, it's beyond your control. Projects, HUGE projects, we have too many dependencies. How I wish we could streamline the processes. We will continue talk, but hardly we walk the talk. NO, really - it's not that we don't walk the talk, it's just we are Crawling the talk.

I've also made some judgment calls, which may make a few heads turned. Lenient? No, I believe it was justified. For capacity building. For our locals. I'll take accountability if that becomes a precedent. But, I know it won't.

I've also made unpopular calls. I thought necessary. At the end of the day, it's my signature on those dotted lines. The buck will stop at me. I don't want to see my kids embarrassed over silly mistakes that may cause my name to be on the news. Nauzubillah. It was curative action.

The same way, that responsible person was moved. And other dead woods too. It's not an easy decision. But, what's worth keeping dead woods or people who will never support you. Just because you don't belong to their 'community'. They are just excess baggage. No brainer. Get them out. No need to play politics on these people. I know this particular person has been playing his politics outside. Definitely, I am learning from this guy. Irresponsible, lack of sights and full of sh*&. His handover list is yet to be given to me, but hey! I can recall every single tasks he owes me. I wonder how he manage to sleep at night, knowing there are so many assignments he's not accomplished. Nada rasa dusa kah tuu. Di bayar gaji tapi inda membuat keraja atu? Ahh, nevermind.

I've been travelling. Journeys that opened my eyes. I see passion, dedication, commitment, professionalism, excitement, energies and synergies. I also see spite, disgracefulness, envy and disparity. Incredible travels for me.

I've sat with among the smartest people on earth - like the SEALS. Amazed by their brains, physique and energy. Made me small, physically and mentally. But that challenged me to sharpen up and step up. In deed, I got recognition. By them, and others; most importantly by one GURU, and by one of Fortune's successful CEOs. I feel elated, but I shouldn't be complacent. I've still a lot to learn - in fact, too many to learn that to be at par with them, is still a very long way. I feel.

I'm still walking, trying to jog at some point, print at some others. But my road, this path I'm going is still far. Seems endless, and I know I'll come across those crossroads, but I hope I will exercise good judgments.

P.S. All work and no play, makes jane a dull woman. So, I've been playing too. Climb a beautiful mountain, and raft over rough river. Been fun. I need to take more physical challenging games. What's next, what can I do? Still thinking.

Feel our Heritage and be touched by it

Had the opportunity to be in a secluded heritage of ours for a couple of days. For work. But we played hard too. Enjoyed the serene scenery. Beautiful. Peaceful. Acoustic sounds of nature was mesmerizing. River was refreshing. Rapids were fun. Waterfalls were awesome.

The guys got reptile visitors. Females, I guess. One 3-metre in length. I didn't see them. Digital photos were enough for me.

Squirrels, gekko, salamanders, frogs. Ah, countless fauna. You can experience fishes suckling your feet, like in a fish spa, too.

The bugs, ants, mosquitoes, wasps ... enough to amaze me with their size. Never seen an ant so huge. The drumming sound they made in the early morning, captivating.

No, I didn't take much picture. They stay vivid in my memory. Yes, I truly recommend to go see our beautiful tropical rainforest. We stayed in a protected area. For researchers. But please take the opportunity to go to Ulu-Ulu Resort. Or the Brunei Outward Bound, for the more adventurous. You won't regret it.

Feel and be touched by our amazing Nature. MasyaAllah. Allah is Great.

2009 Review

Year end is coming. Exciting? Must be. Plenty to look forward to in 2010.

Review of the year:
January: some psycho sent e-mails. Eye-opening. Fact or lie. Truth beholds.
February: birth of a beautiful son. What a difference!
March: Smooth and breazy. Wish this never ends.
April: Crash boom bang. Work on it, work on it.
May: Back again. Ouch.
June: VIP. Review strategy.
July: Interesting Perth. Good break.
August: House Re-vamp. The beginning.
Sept: Another year, another anniversary. It gets better.
October: Phase 2: house renovation ends with a great splash :)
November: Major project approval. That took so long.
December: Another 1/2 marathon completed. Need a different challenge.

Lesson learnt:
Stay focus.

Rule:
Endurance is the name of the game.
Patience is virtue.

Motto of the year:
Never give up. Never surrender. Never Quit.

Winners never quit, and Quitters never win.

Are we a racist nation?

Travelled to Singapore very recently. Hubby and I.

On our way in to the departure hall, one Indian guy got stopped by the security guy. He pointed out to the Asian guy his hand luggage was over 7kg. Poor guy had to go back I guess to his friends to sort it out before being refused entry again.

Ironically, hubby and I weren't stop. Nor were other local fellows, Chinese or Malays. Yup, just that Indian guy. I am not making assumptions, but I felt it was purely racial discrimination.

That's not the only time I encountered such discrimination. I was queueing to be seen by an immigration officer at Berakas. There were a few foreign workers sitting waiting for their turns as well. One local lady staff went out and called out a name (filipino name) pointed at her and called her to come in by fore-finger gesture. Very rude in deed.

I'm patriotic, but I think there is a fine line on how to treat others. We are malays and moslems, too. Melayu-Islam sepatutnya penuh bersopan dan menghormati orang lain. It's sad when we have no respect for other races. Malay supremacy ??? We know that's BS.

Supporting local artists

Shopping around, heard one of many favourite songs on air. Went over to the AV section counter and asked what's playing. Showed me the album 'Tiga' by our local artists. Must admit I never knew this song was local, thought Indonesian song all this while.

I told the lady I want to take it, and she replied, "mahal ni $12, original saja nada yang copy."


It's shocking I got warned by the cashier like that. I would have thought they would try sell original copies to make more money. Plus it's the right thing to do. Or is it us consumers who are only interested in buying pirated cds for cheaper prices.

Well, I do think $12 is quite reasonable for originals. Plus, they are locals and who would support them if not us. Maybe Maria's album of $20 is a bit steep. For a local artist. But then again, she's doing well, and there's quite a number of songs in there. Nope, I only bought tiga. Maria's not bad but I prefer different genre of music than her.

Hope these artists can survive in Brunei with the way retailers sell their albums in the shop. Maybe it's just that shop, I shouldn't generalize.

selamat berpuasa

thought i wish eveyrone selamat berpuasa, and jika ada kesalahan dan kesilapan secara senghaja atau tidak, dapat lah ia dimaafkan.