2009 Review

Year end is coming. Exciting? Must be. Plenty to look forward to in 2010.

Review of the year:
January: some psycho sent e-mails. Eye-opening. Fact or lie. Truth beholds.
February: birth of a beautiful son. What a difference!
March: Smooth and breazy. Wish this never ends.
April: Crash boom bang. Work on it, work on it.
May: Back again. Ouch.
June: VIP. Review strategy.
July: Interesting Perth. Good break.
August: House Re-vamp. The beginning.
Sept: Another year, another anniversary. It gets better.
October: Phase 2: house renovation ends with a great splash :)
November: Major project approval. That took so long.
December: Another 1/2 marathon completed. Need a different challenge.

Lesson learnt:
Stay focus.

Rule:
Endurance is the name of the game.
Patience is virtue.

Motto of the year:
Never give up. Never surrender. Never Quit.

Winners never quit, and Quitters never win.

Are we a racist nation?

Travelled to Singapore very recently. Hubby and I.

On our way in to the departure hall, one Indian guy got stopped by the security guy. He pointed out to the Asian guy his hand luggage was over 7kg. Poor guy had to go back I guess to his friends to sort it out before being refused entry again.

Ironically, hubby and I weren't stop. Nor were other local fellows, Chinese or Malays. Yup, just that Indian guy. I am not making assumptions, but I felt it was purely racial discrimination.

That's not the only time I encountered such discrimination. I was queueing to be seen by an immigration officer at Berakas. There were a few foreign workers sitting waiting for their turns as well. One local lady staff went out and called out a name (filipino name) pointed at her and called her to come in by fore-finger gesture. Very rude in deed.

I'm patriotic, but I think there is a fine line on how to treat others. We are malays and moslems, too. Melayu-Islam sepatutnya penuh bersopan dan menghormati orang lain. It's sad when we have no respect for other races. Malay supremacy ??? We know that's BS.

Supporting local artists

Shopping around, heard one of many favourite songs on air. Went over to the AV section counter and asked what's playing. Showed me the album 'Tiga' by our local artists. Must admit I never knew this song was local, thought Indonesian song all this while.

I told the lady I want to take it, and she replied, "mahal ni $12, original saja nada yang copy."


It's shocking I got warned by the cashier like that. I would have thought they would try sell original copies to make more money. Plus it's the right thing to do. Or is it us consumers who are only interested in buying pirated cds for cheaper prices.

Well, I do think $12 is quite reasonable for originals. Plus, they are locals and who would support them if not us. Maybe Maria's album of $20 is a bit steep. For a local artist. But then again, she's doing well, and there's quite a number of songs in there. Nope, I only bought tiga. Maria's not bad but I prefer different genre of music than her.

Hope these artists can survive in Brunei with the way retailers sell their albums in the shop. Maybe it's just that shop, I shouldn't generalize.

selamat berpuasa

thought i wish eveyrone selamat berpuasa, and jika ada kesalahan dan kesilapan secara senghaja atau tidak, dapat lah ia dimaafkan.

Projects delayed

I criticise a lot, but I get criticised NON-STOP. It's the nature of my ASSIGNMENT. Practically things 'stop' without our service. So yes, the blames are pointed onto me from ALL directions.

Yesterday I got the bomb. I am accountable for ALL delays for ALL projects by my team. I take that accountability. But I must admit, these are stressing me up. I felt HELL yesterday. It's not FUN being question. But I can't point fingers onto my team even if there has been NO teamwork, SLOW effort by them. Cause I am their leader. Their failure is MY failure.

But I did investigate. It all came down to one person. He is a good guy, just extremely slow. I've discovered he can't multi-task. Neither is he resourceful. But in our line of business, these are ESSENTIAL assets. He just don't have them.

How do I get through him. He doesn't seem to recognise he's delaying his team mates. Neither seem bothered about that. I requested new timeline and proposal for a particular 'delay' project yesterday, he came up with new excuses. I don't understand why some people lack responsibility. Maybe it's true 'alah bisa tegal biasa.' But what am I gonna do about him? If I was Donalp Trump, I'd say "You're FIRED." But I'm not. Neither should I, he's got a family.

***sigh***

Tomorrow there'll be more questions, and next wednesday I'll be hearing more too. I'm holding my breath thinking of these.

Beyond our comfort zone

Frustration? Ah.. nope, CHALLENGING, would be the right word. Oddly, I'm still looking at everything positively. Am I kidding myself? Nope. I have to trust my judgement. And the Big Boss's, when he chose me. I know I can, and they can. WE can. Irrespective of what everyone else thinks.

Okay, you can't change old dogs new tricks. And habits are difficult to break. But we gotta give people chances, don't we? We need to give people the benefits of the doubt.

This roller coaster ride is not ending soon. Endurance is a major necessity here. But if it stops, it's not going to be fun anymore. I took on the job, knowing it'll be tough. I'm not even an expert in the area. So what? If anyone is out to get me, stab my back or try get rid of me, when I've not given my 100+% yet, sorry... I'm not ready to leave yet.

Just give me a bit more time. It's only half the year that's gone. What have I delivered? Good question. But hey, even ministers have 5 years to prove they can change. I'm here given a year contract. I'm pressured, I feel the pressure; but I'm cool. NOT really. Hahaha. But safe to say, I'm not the only one feeling the heat. Every one is. We know the price of not delivering. So, we are all kicking our a$$es trying to get things going and done. So, we are definitely pushing our comfort zone.

It's been damn crazy, hectic, but I'm also having fun. Well... till the fat lady sings.

Bored...

Well, when you are used to being out and about, it's kinda get to you when stuck at home. I know, it's time to relax and rest. I'm doing just that. Well, kind of. Baby's routine change. Unpredicatable. It's funny, but can be tiring. I'm trying to adjust.

He's sleeping at the moment. I know I should check on my work e-mails. I'm not in the mood. So, here I am blogging, and Youtubing Enrique. Uhuh. He's hot. As ever. He can sing 'hero' to me any time. Well, he's second to my Vin Diesel. Someone I'm looking forward to drool on this next few weeks. I may be confined, but hell no, I'm definitely watching Fast and Furious when it comes out.

So, us girls; do we think about other guys when we are married already? I don't know about others, but to me a DEFINITE NO, I'd say. Yeh, Enrique and Vin Diesel are just fantasies. Not that kind of fantasies (WELL, Ciara is so lucky in the video. Olala).



Other men or boys aside my husband don't tick me anymore. I don't think they ever will. Anymore. Come on, I had my time. I got married late, and yes, I enjoyed my single life. Do I miss single life? ...

I miss my friends, friends I had during my single life. They are not here. I miss going out having fun with them, and especially dancing salsa. I used to do a lot of salsa during my single life. No, that doesn't mean I miss my single life.

I'm thankful I've beautiful kids who need me right now. Thank God.

Okay, I'm off - just killing my boredom.

Re-Freshed

Ah... isn't it wonderful. Baby's out. Yup, been just over 2 weeks now. Thank God. Baby's adorable (don't we all say that!). I'm feeling alright. I feel pretty healthy, thanks to the traditional postnatal treatment, which of course is costing me a bomb! It's like 1/4th my salary. Ah, they don't need education to dig deep into our pockets, just pure experience and great word of mouths. Are us women becoming victims of 'beauty and well-being'? Maybe. Well, the things we women do in the hope that our husband will notice the differences. Well, I don't know if husbands ever notice. I pray to God so. Anyway, my husband has been a great guy. ...I always wonder how men feel when observing us in labour. Any thoughts?

While I'm talking about labour, I must say I'm grateful to the midewife who attended me, as well as the nurses at Ward 18; First Stage and Labour Room. The Doctors were great too. My experiences at RIPAS with all 3 babies have been good. I don't have anything to complain, but admiration of the service. Well, except for the food. Supposedly catered by RBC??? Oh! Another thing. I didn't get my own room this time. Even after several requests, and early bookings. I don't know what happened this time. With my first baby, I got one of the Bungas. Then they were refurbished when I had my second baby. I thought I'd be able to get in this time. Not in luck. The odd thing was when I requested for it, the nurse kept emphasising the deposit is high, and the rate per night. We wouldn't have asked if we weren't prepared for it. I think what they didn't quite understand is why we should be spending so much to stay just for a few nights. Well, what they don't know is when you just gave birth, you want some company. It feels being cared for (with hubby being there next to you); it feels comfortable when you are in pain to go to your own toilet; and it feels easy when someone is there with you especailly if you have to leave your baby alone when you need to go to the toilet. Okay, it is a little of a luxury, but why not. After huffing and puffing; and with pain in your **se (literally speaking), you just want to be somewhere 'close' to home environment. ***Sigh*** Well, I'm planning to have a long break. So, my rant is on behalf of others having similar desire to mine.

Anyhow... what have I been doing since my leave? I mean aside from baby-bonding. The odd checks on my work e-mails. Uhuh. Can't rid me of work. Though, I must say I feel a little bad when I 'interfered', as if I don't trust my deputy and the team. To be honest, I just don't know if I'm meant to be away from work anyway. With the amount of projects before the fiscal year ends, and high expectations from everyone, it feels important to stay up-to-date with what's going around. I've also been feeling a bit guilty. I had one project which I didn't quite complete, and had to leave it to the team. They are still doing it. It should have been submitted sometime ago. I'm not blaming them, I feel responsible cause it was my project. I was entrusted with it. I feel bad that it got delayed. I feel bad whenever I asked my team how it's going. Cause I should be the person responsible and then expecting them to complete for me seems unfair and irresponsible. Well, I shouldn't and I should be putting my trust on my team to handle it without me 'instructing ' them on all angles of the project. They would know how. They should. In fact they are more experience than me in this area. I just came into this field recently. Plus, we're supposed to create leaders within them. Gosh, am I justifying my guilt?

Basically, I'm enjoying motherhood right now, bonding with my baby. But I must say it's not easy trying to juggle my time with my other kids, the husband and work e-mails. Breastfeeding is as usual a demanding task. 3 babies and that's how I felt all this while. Particularly in the first 2 weeks, where the baby is adjusting; and so was I. It has been incredible though with this baby. I felt a lot better and breastmilk is flowing well. Maybe because I got a boy, something that I've been looking forward to. Yup, we had girls all the way. This tiny boy also loves feeding, and perhaps his constant need for feeding helps the flow. He's also a kewl dude. He sleeps a lot too. I'm pretty relaxed, I can say. Alhamdulillah.

The only thing boring is staying indoors, at home. While everyone else is enjoying their other chores, like shopping and eating out. Talk about eating out, I'm going to miss that. I have put on a lot. Well, I put on a lot with my previous pregnancy, and I didn't quite lost it when I got pregnant again. Well, actually I lost a lot during my previous pregnancy, but put on postnatal. Then as I was losing, I got pregnant. I didn't put much on till the last few weeks. I was crazy over sugary food. I caved in, just couldn't handle it. So now, I'm very overweight. I checked this morning, I got 2 stones and a half to kill in the next 6 months. It will be tough. But I hope I can lose it. I've been inspired after watching "The biggest loser." Almost daily. But I can't diet yet, nor can I start my workouts till 5th week. Even when I start my exercise regime, I shouldn't be dieting. Well, if anything the idea is to get back my fitness level.

I have a NEW GOAL from now onwards. I want this break to ReFRESH me; so I will feel GREAT. Ultimately, I want to be HAPPY. Yes, my goal is to be HAPPY. I can go back to why I started this blog. To be positive, to fly high like the butterfly :)

(image source: www.bradfitzpatrick.com)

New Year New Beginning...

NOT...

I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being real. That's me.

Let's say, the new year has been very very very challenging. The 'attack' comes from all side, and I'm trying to stay as cool, calm and collected as I can.

It's nerve-wrecking. Nope, not just the pressure to be my best, and to deliver; but not knowing where I'm heading.

Ah.. directions. Some are guided, and I believe very much it's hand-able (is there such a word?). But there's one particular direction that I'm still unsure of. It's on a different cycle. It's even worst. It is driving me nutts, pushing me almost to extreme insanity - but I'm still breathing, and seriously calm(-looking). I guess I have to. This gutt inside of me says hold on. How long for more, I'm uncertain. I'm just afraid that when I can't any longer, the erruption is enormous. As bad as that of Pompei.

Then again, a wheel rolls. I'm staying grounded, I don't know what will ever happen. Like I said, these smiles can be fake many times. And too much jitters, no one can see. I'm forever scared.

Does it matter? Do they care? I really don't know. I know I want to know.

Aaah. new year, but no ending? I pray it will. Very soon. Cause I don't want to keep hoping. God says be patient, stay patient. I can keep on praying, but if I'm not trying and as passive as now, did it mean I have tried my best?

God, pls give me guidance, for I need it now more than ever. But I'm thankful for the rezeki God's given.