I'm sitting down in my room, watching out of the window overseeing the beautiful lake in this windy city, sipping my favorite cappuccino with a hint of hazelnut. Been thinking a lot in the last few weeks. About my values, my strengths. My options, too.
She said, "if you find yourself angry over an action, stop for a minute and explore what made you angry. Usually, the action doesn't align with your values." This must be true. I feel of being hypocritical, some actions I took felt insincere or forced. Surely, didn't make me sleep well sometimes.
Have I become inauthentic? How far gone am I? ... off my values. My conscience seems to scream at me every now and then. I know I have high guilt-proneness in my DNA.
Some may say I need to toughen up. Yes, I'm a softy. But those are my values. I respect people, and I am a relator. If they feel pain, I can feel it too. It's not easy for me. I did not taste success all my life. I had my failures. It's these failures that made me what and where I am today.
A close girlfriend said to me, "You are there for a purpose." To make a difference. She is right. I just need to go back a step, may be a few steps to really look what I had become, and where I should truly go.
So, my sweat, my tears, my thoughts, my actions are worthy. Not just for me, my spouse, my kids, my family. But also, those around me and their families. We are all linked, somehow or the other. My failure would be their failures. I owe it to all of us.
Ya Allah, Ih dinassiratal mustaqim. Amin.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
We are still a long way....
Wow it's been almost a year since I last entered this blog. Work has been very hectic. I've tried to become a transformational manager, but I guess I'm still tied up being transactional. 24 hours seem to be not enough to complete my tasks. I'm learning to prioritize, but that's the difficult part.
Over the last 5 months or so, lots of things have happened. I got new bigger projects approved earlier of the year, yet to implement. It's embarrassing. It doesn't feel good meeting stakeholders and telling them - oh! it should start soon. Cause you know, it will take some more time. And yes, it's beyond your control. Projects, HUGE projects, we have too many dependencies. How I wish we could streamline the processes. We will continue talk, but hardly we walk the talk. NO, really - it's not that we don't walk the talk, it's just we are Crawling the talk.
I've also made some judgment calls, which may make a few heads turned. Lenient? No, I believe it was justified. For capacity building. For our locals. I'll take accountability if that becomes a precedent. But, I know it won't.
I've also made unpopular calls. I thought necessary. At the end of the day, it's my signature on those dotted lines. The buck will stop at me. I don't want to see my kids embarrassed over silly mistakes that may cause my name to be on the news. Nauzubillah. It was curative action.
The same way, that responsible person was moved. And other dead woods too. It's not an easy decision. But, what's worth keeping dead woods or people who will never support you. Just because you don't belong to their 'community'. They are just excess baggage. No brainer. Get them out. No need to play politics on these people. I know this particular person has been playing his politics outside. Definitely, I am learning from this guy. Irresponsible, lack of sights and full of sh*&. His handover list is yet to be given to me, but hey! I can recall every single tasks he owes me. I wonder how he manage to sleep at night, knowing there are so many assignments he's not accomplished. Nada rasa dusa kah tuu. Di bayar gaji tapi inda membuat keraja atu? Ahh, nevermind.
I've been travelling. Journeys that opened my eyes. I see passion, dedication, commitment, professionalism, excitement, energies and synergies. I also see spite, disgracefulness, envy and disparity. Incredible travels for me.
I've sat with among the smartest people on earth - like the SEALS. Amazed by their brains, physique and energy. Made me small, physically and mentally. But that challenged me to sharpen up and step up. In deed, I got recognition. By them, and others; most importantly by one GURU, and by one of Fortune's successful CEOs. I feel elated, but I shouldn't be complacent. I've still a lot to learn - in fact, too many to learn that to be at par with them, is still a very long way. I feel.
I'm still walking, trying to jog at some point, print at some others. But my road, this path I'm going is still far. Seems endless, and I know I'll come across those crossroads, but I hope I will exercise good judgments.
P.S. All work and no play, makes jane a dull woman. So, I've been playing too. Climb a beautiful mountain, and raft over rough river. Been fun. I need to take more physical challenging games. What's next, what can I do? Still thinking.
Over the last 5 months or so, lots of things have happened. I got new bigger projects approved earlier of the year, yet to implement. It's embarrassing. It doesn't feel good meeting stakeholders and telling them - oh! it should start soon. Cause you know, it will take some more time. And yes, it's beyond your control. Projects, HUGE projects, we have too many dependencies. How I wish we could streamline the processes. We will continue talk, but hardly we walk the talk. NO, really - it's not that we don't walk the talk, it's just we are Crawling the talk.
I've also made some judgment calls, which may make a few heads turned. Lenient? No, I believe it was justified. For capacity building. For our locals. I'll take accountability if that becomes a precedent. But, I know it won't.
I've also made unpopular calls. I thought necessary. At the end of the day, it's my signature on those dotted lines. The buck will stop at me. I don't want to see my kids embarrassed over silly mistakes that may cause my name to be on the news. Nauzubillah. It was curative action.
The same way, that responsible person was moved. And other dead woods too. It's not an easy decision. But, what's worth keeping dead woods or people who will never support you. Just because you don't belong to their 'community'. They are just excess baggage. No brainer. Get them out. No need to play politics on these people. I know this particular person has been playing his politics outside. Definitely, I am learning from this guy. Irresponsible, lack of sights and full of sh*&. His handover list is yet to be given to me, but hey! I can recall every single tasks he owes me. I wonder how he manage to sleep at night, knowing there are so many assignments he's not accomplished. Nada rasa dusa kah tuu. Di bayar gaji tapi inda membuat keraja atu? Ahh, nevermind.
I've been travelling. Journeys that opened my eyes. I see passion, dedication, commitment, professionalism, excitement, energies and synergies. I also see spite, disgracefulness, envy and disparity. Incredible travels for me.
I've sat with among the smartest people on earth - like the SEALS. Amazed by their brains, physique and energy. Made me small, physically and mentally. But that challenged me to sharpen up and step up. In deed, I got recognition. By them, and others; most importantly by one GURU, and by one of Fortune's successful CEOs. I feel elated, but I shouldn't be complacent. I've still a lot to learn - in fact, too many to learn that to be at par with them, is still a very long way. I feel.
I'm still walking, trying to jog at some point, print at some others. But my road, this path I'm going is still far. Seems endless, and I know I'll come across those crossroads, but I hope I will exercise good judgments.
P.S. All work and no play, makes jane a dull woman. So, I've been playing too. Climb a beautiful mountain, and raft over rough river. Been fun. I need to take more physical challenging games. What's next, what can I do? Still thinking.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Feel our Heritage and be touched by it
Had the opportunity to be in a secluded heritage of ours for a couple of days. For work. But we played hard too. Enjoyed the serene scenery. Beautiful. Peaceful. Acoustic sounds of nature was mesmerizing. River was refreshing. Rapids were fun. Waterfalls were awesome.
The guys got reptile visitors. Females, I guess. One 3-metre in length. I didn't see them. Digital photos were enough for me.
Squirrels, gekko, salamanders, frogs. Ah, countless fauna. You can experience fishes suckling your feet, like in a fish spa, too.
The bugs, ants, mosquitoes, wasps ... enough to amaze me with their size. Never seen an ant so huge. The drumming sound they made in the early morning, captivating.
No, I didn't take much picture. They stay vivid in my memory. Yes, I truly recommend to go see our beautiful tropical rainforest. We stayed in a protected area. For researchers. But please take the opportunity to go to Ulu-Ulu Resort. Or the Brunei Outward Bound, for the more adventurous. You won't regret it.
Feel and be touched by our amazing Nature. MasyaAllah. Allah is Great.
The guys got reptile visitors. Females, I guess. One 3-metre in length. I didn't see them. Digital photos were enough for me.
Squirrels, gekko, salamanders, frogs. Ah, countless fauna. You can experience fishes suckling your feet, like in a fish spa, too.
The bugs, ants, mosquitoes, wasps ... enough to amaze me with their size. Never seen an ant so huge. The drumming sound they made in the early morning, captivating.
No, I didn't take much picture. They stay vivid in my memory. Yes, I truly recommend to go see our beautiful tropical rainforest. We stayed in a protected area. For researchers. But please take the opportunity to go to Ulu-Ulu Resort. Or the Brunei Outward Bound, for the more adventurous. You won't regret it.
Feel and be touched by our amazing Nature. MasyaAllah. Allah is Great.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
2009 Review
Year end is coming. Exciting? Must be. Plenty to look forward to in 2010.
Review of the year:
January: some psycho sent e-mails. Eye-opening. Fact or lie. Truth beholds.
February: birth of a beautiful son. What a difference!
March: Smooth and breazy. Wish this never ends.
April: Crash boom bang. Work on it, work on it.
May: Back again. Ouch.
June: VIP. Review strategy.
July: Interesting Perth. Good break.
August: House Re-vamp. The beginning.
Sept: Another year, another anniversary. It gets better.
October: Phase 2: house renovation ends with a great splash :)
November: Major project approval. That took so long.
December: Another 1/2 marathon completed. Need a different challenge.
Lesson learnt:
Stay focus.
Rule:
Endurance is the name of the game.
Patience is virtue.
Motto of the year:
Never give up. Never surrender. Never Quit.
Winners never quit, and Quitters never win.
Review of the year:
January: some psycho sent e-mails. Eye-opening. Fact or lie. Truth beholds.
February: birth of a beautiful son. What a difference!
March: Smooth and breazy. Wish this never ends.
April: Crash boom bang. Work on it, work on it.
May: Back again. Ouch.
June: VIP. Review strategy.
July: Interesting Perth. Good break.
August: House Re-vamp. The beginning.
Sept: Another year, another anniversary. It gets better.
October: Phase 2: house renovation ends with a great splash :)
November: Major project approval. That took so long.
December: Another 1/2 marathon completed. Need a different challenge.
Lesson learnt:
Stay focus.
Rule:
Endurance is the name of the game.
Patience is virtue.
Motto of the year:
Never give up. Never surrender. Never Quit.
Winners never quit, and Quitters never win.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Are we a racist nation?
Travelled to Singapore very recently. Hubby and I.
On our way in to the departure hall, one Indian guy got stopped by the security guy. He pointed out to the Asian guy his hand luggage was over 7kg. Poor guy had to go back I guess to his friends to sort it out before being refused entry again.
Ironically, hubby and I weren't stop. Nor were other local fellows, Chinese or Malays. Yup, just that Indian guy. I am not making assumptions, but I felt it was purely racial discrimination.
That's not the only time I encountered such discrimination. I was queueing to be seen by an immigration officer at Berakas. There were a few foreign workers sitting waiting for their turns as well. One local lady staff went out and called out a name (filipino name) pointed at her and called her to come in by fore-finger gesture. Very rude in deed.
I'm patriotic, but I think there is a fine line on how to treat others. We are malays and moslems, too. Melayu-Islam sepatutnya penuh bersopan dan menghormati orang lain. It's sad when we have no respect for other races. Malay supremacy ??? We know that's BS.
On our way in to the departure hall, one Indian guy got stopped by the security guy. He pointed out to the Asian guy his hand luggage was over 7kg. Poor guy had to go back I guess to his friends to sort it out before being refused entry again.
Ironically, hubby and I weren't stop. Nor were other local fellows, Chinese or Malays. Yup, just that Indian guy. I am not making assumptions, but I felt it was purely racial discrimination.
That's not the only time I encountered such discrimination. I was queueing to be seen by an immigration officer at Berakas. There were a few foreign workers sitting waiting for their turns as well. One local lady staff went out and called out a name (filipino name) pointed at her and called her to come in by fore-finger gesture. Very rude in deed.
I'm patriotic, but I think there is a fine line on how to treat others. We are malays and moslems, too. Melayu-Islam sepatutnya penuh bersopan dan menghormati orang lain. It's sad when we have no respect for other races. Malay supremacy ??? We know that's BS.
Supporting local artists
Shopping around, heard one of many favourite songs on air. Went over to the AV section counter and asked what's playing. Showed me the album 'Tiga' by our local artists. Must admit I never knew this song was local, thought Indonesian song all this while.
I told the lady I want to take it, and she replied, "mahal ni $12, original saja nada yang copy."
It's shocking I got warned by the cashier like that. I would have thought they would try sell original copies to make more money. Plus it's the right thing to do. Or is it us consumers who are only interested in buying pirated cds for cheaper prices.
Well, I do think $12 is quite reasonable for originals. Plus, they are locals and who would support them if not us. Maybe Maria's album of $20 is a bit steep. For a local artist. But then again, she's doing well, and there's quite a number of songs in there. Nope, I only bought tiga. Maria's not bad but I prefer different genre of music than her.
Hope these artists can survive in Brunei with the way retailers sell their albums in the shop. Maybe it's just that shop, I shouldn't generalize.
I told the lady I want to take it, and she replied, "mahal ni $12, original saja nada yang copy."
It's shocking I got warned by the cashier like that. I would have thought they would try sell original copies to make more money. Plus it's the right thing to do. Or is it us consumers who are only interested in buying pirated cds for cheaper prices.
Well, I do think $12 is quite reasonable for originals. Plus, they are locals and who would support them if not us. Maybe Maria's album of $20 is a bit steep. For a local artist. But then again, she's doing well, and there's quite a number of songs in there. Nope, I only bought tiga. Maria's not bad but I prefer different genre of music than her.
Hope these artists can survive in Brunei with the way retailers sell their albums in the shop. Maybe it's just that shop, I shouldn't generalize.
selamat berpuasa
thought i wish eveyrone selamat berpuasa, and jika ada kesalahan dan kesilapan secara senghaja atau tidak, dapat lah ia dimaafkan.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Projects delayed
I criticise a lot, but I get criticised NON-STOP. It's the nature of my ASSIGNMENT. Practically things 'stop' without our service. So yes, the blames are pointed onto me from ALL directions.
Yesterday I got the bomb. I am accountable for ALL delays for ALL projects by my team. I take that accountability. But I must admit, these are stressing me up. I felt HELL yesterday. It's not FUN being question. But I can't point fingers onto my team even if there has been NO teamwork, SLOW effort by them. Cause I am their leader. Their failure is MY failure.
But I did investigate. It all came down to one person. He is a good guy, just extremely slow. I've discovered he can't multi-task. Neither is he resourceful. But in our line of business, these are ESSENTIAL assets. He just don't have them.
How do I get through him. He doesn't seem to recognise he's delaying his team mates. Neither seem bothered about that. I requested new timeline and proposal for a particular 'delay' project yesterday, he came up with new excuses. I don't understand why some people lack responsibility. Maybe it's true 'alah bisa tegal biasa.' But what am I gonna do about him? If I was Donalp Trump, I'd say "You're FIRED." But I'm not. Neither should I, he's got a family.
***sigh***
Tomorrow there'll be more questions, and next wednesday I'll be hearing more too. I'm holding my breath thinking of these.
Yesterday I got the bomb. I am accountable for ALL delays for ALL projects by my team. I take that accountability. But I must admit, these are stressing me up. I felt HELL yesterday. It's not FUN being question. But I can't point fingers onto my team even if there has been NO teamwork, SLOW effort by them. Cause I am their leader. Their failure is MY failure.
But I did investigate. It all came down to one person. He is a good guy, just extremely slow. I've discovered he can't multi-task. Neither is he resourceful. But in our line of business, these are ESSENTIAL assets. He just don't have them.
How do I get through him. He doesn't seem to recognise he's delaying his team mates. Neither seem bothered about that. I requested new timeline and proposal for a particular 'delay' project yesterday, he came up with new excuses. I don't understand why some people lack responsibility. Maybe it's true 'alah bisa tegal biasa.' But what am I gonna do about him? If I was Donalp Trump, I'd say "You're FIRED." But I'm not. Neither should I, he's got a family.
***sigh***
Tomorrow there'll be more questions, and next wednesday I'll be hearing more too. I'm holding my breath thinking of these.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Beyond our comfort zone
Frustration? Ah.. nope, CHALLENGING, would be the right word. Oddly, I'm still looking at everything positively. Am I kidding myself? Nope. I have to trust my judgement. And the Big Boss's, when he chose me. I know I can, and they can. WE can. Irrespective of what everyone else thinks.
Okay, you can't change old dogs new tricks. And habits are difficult to break. But we gotta give people chances, don't we? We need to give people the benefits of the doubt.
This roller coaster ride is not ending soon. Endurance is a major necessity here. But if it stops, it's not going to be fun anymore. I took on the job, knowing it'll be tough. I'm not even an expert in the area. So what? If anyone is out to get me, stab my back or try get rid of me, when I've not given my 100+% yet, sorry... I'm not ready to leave yet.
Just give me a bit more time. It's only half the year that's gone. What have I delivered? Good question. But hey, even ministers have 5 years to prove they can change. I'm here given a year contract. I'm pressured, I feel the pressure; but I'm cool. NOT really. Hahaha. But safe to say, I'm not the only one feeling the heat. Every one is. We know the price of not delivering. So, we are all kicking our a$$es trying to get things going and done. So, we are definitely pushing our comfort zone.
It's been damn crazy, hectic, but I'm also having fun. Well... till the fat lady sings.
Okay, you can't change old dogs new tricks. And habits are difficult to break. But we gotta give people chances, don't we? We need to give people the benefits of the doubt.
This roller coaster ride is not ending soon. Endurance is a major necessity here. But if it stops, it's not going to be fun anymore. I took on the job, knowing it'll be tough. I'm not even an expert in the area. So what? If anyone is out to get me, stab my back or try get rid of me, when I've not given my 100+% yet, sorry... I'm not ready to leave yet.
Just give me a bit more time. It's only half the year that's gone. What have I delivered? Good question. But hey, even ministers have 5 years to prove they can change. I'm here given a year contract. I'm pressured, I feel the pressure; but I'm cool. NOT really. Hahaha. But safe to say, I'm not the only one feeling the heat. Every one is. We know the price of not delivering. So, we are all kicking our a$$es trying to get things going and done. So, we are definitely pushing our comfort zone.
It's been damn crazy, hectic, but I'm also having fun. Well... till the fat lady sings.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Bored...
Well, when you are used to being out and about, it's kinda get to you when stuck at home. I know, it's time to relax and rest. I'm doing just that. Well, kind of. Baby's routine change. Unpredicatable. It's funny, but can be tiring. I'm trying to adjust.
He's sleeping at the moment. I know I should check on my work e-mails. I'm not in the mood. So, here I am blogging, and Youtubing Enrique. Uhuh. He's hot. As ever. He can sing 'hero' to me any time. Well, he's second to my Vin Diesel. Someone I'm looking forward to drool on this next few weeks. I may be confined, but hell no, I'm definitely watching Fast and Furious when it comes out.
So, us girls; do we think about other guys when we are married already? I don't know about others, but to me a DEFINITE NO, I'd say. Yeh, Enrique and Vin Diesel are just fantasies. Not that kind of fantasies (WELL, Ciara is so lucky in the video. Olala).
Other men or boys aside my husband don't tick me anymore. I don't think they ever will. Anymore. Come on, I had my time. I got married late, and yes, I enjoyed my single life. Do I miss single life? ...
I miss my friends, friends I had during my single life. They are not here. I miss going out having fun with them, and especially dancing salsa. I used to do a lot of salsa during my single life. No, that doesn't mean I miss my single life.
I'm thankful I've beautiful kids who need me right now. Thank God.
Okay, I'm off - just killing my boredom.
He's sleeping at the moment. I know I should check on my work e-mails. I'm not in the mood. So, here I am blogging, and Youtubing Enrique. Uhuh. He's hot. As ever. He can sing 'hero' to me any time. Well, he's second to my Vin Diesel. Someone I'm looking forward to drool on this next few weeks. I may be confined, but hell no, I'm definitely watching Fast and Furious when it comes out.
So, us girls; do we think about other guys when we are married already? I don't know about others, but to me a DEFINITE NO, I'd say. Yeh, Enrique and Vin Diesel are just fantasies. Not that kind of fantasies (WELL, Ciara is so lucky in the video. Olala).
Other men or boys aside my husband don't tick me anymore. I don't think they ever will. Anymore. Come on, I had my time. I got married late, and yes, I enjoyed my single life. Do I miss single life? ...
I miss my friends, friends I had during my single life. They are not here. I miss going out having fun with them, and especially dancing salsa. I used to do a lot of salsa during my single life. No, that doesn't mean I miss my single life.
I'm thankful I've beautiful kids who need me right now. Thank God.
Okay, I'm off - just killing my boredom.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Re-Freshed
Ah... isn't it wonderful. Baby's out. Yup, been just over 2 weeks now. Thank God. Baby's adorable (don't we all say that!). I'm feeling alright. I feel pretty healthy, thanks to the traditional postnatal treatment, which of course is costing me a bomb! It's like 1/4th my salary. Ah, they don't need education to dig deep into our pockets, just pure experience and great word of mouths. Are us women becoming victims of 'beauty and well-being'? Maybe. Well, the things we women do in the hope that our husband will notice the differences. Well, I don't know if husbands ever notice. I pray to God so. Anyway, my husband has been a great guy. ...I always wonder how men feel when observing us in labour. Any thoughts?
While I'm talking about labour, I must say I'm grateful to the midewife who attended me, as well as the nurses at Ward 18; First Stage and Labour Room. The Doctors were great too. My experiences at RIPAS with all 3 babies have been good. I don't have anything to complain, but admiration of the service. Well, except for the food. Supposedly catered by RBC??? Oh! Another thing. I didn't get my own room this time. Even after several requests, and early bookings. I don't know what happened this time. With my first baby, I got one of the Bungas. Then they were refurbished when I had my second baby. I thought I'd be able to get in this time. Not in luck. The odd thing was when I requested for it, the nurse kept emphasising the deposit is high, and the rate per night. We wouldn't have asked if we weren't prepared for it. I think what they didn't quite understand is why we should be spending so much to stay just for a few nights. Well, what they don't know is when you just gave birth, you want some company. It feels being cared for (with hubby being there next to you); it feels comfortable when you are in pain to go to your own toilet; and it feels easy when someone is there with you especailly if you have to leave your baby alone when you need to go to the toilet. Okay, it is a little of a luxury, but why not. After huffing and puffing; and with pain in your **se (literally speaking), you just want to be somewhere 'close' to home environment. ***Sigh*** Well, I'm planning to have a long break. So, my rant is on behalf of others having similar desire to mine.
Anyhow... what have I been doing since my leave? I mean aside from baby-bonding. The odd checks on my work e-mails. Uhuh. Can't rid me of work. Though, I must say I feel a little bad when I 'interfered', as if I don't trust my deputy and the team. To be honest, I just don't know if I'm meant to be away from work anyway. With the amount of projects before the fiscal year ends, and high expectations from everyone, it feels important to stay up-to-date with what's going around. I've also been feeling a bit guilty. I had one project which I didn't quite complete, and had to leave it to the team. They are still doing it. It should have been submitted sometime ago. I'm not blaming them, I feel responsible cause it was my project. I was entrusted with it. I feel bad that it got delayed. I feel bad whenever I asked my team how it's going. Cause I should be the person responsible and then expecting them to complete for me seems unfair and irresponsible. Well, I shouldn't and I should be putting my trust on my team to handle it without me 'instructing ' them on all angles of the project. They would know how. They should. In fact they are more experience than me in this area. I just came into this field recently. Plus, we're supposed to create leaders within them. Gosh, am I justifying my guilt?
Basically, I'm enjoying motherhood right now, bonding with my baby. But I must say it's not easy trying to juggle my time with my other kids, the husband and work e-mails. Breastfeeding is as usual a demanding task. 3 babies and that's how I felt all this while. Particularly in the first 2 weeks, where the baby is adjusting; and so was I. It has been incredible though with this baby. I felt a lot better and breastmilk is flowing well. Maybe because I got a boy, something that I've been looking forward to. Yup, we had girls all the way. This tiny boy also loves feeding, and perhaps his constant need for feeding helps the flow. He's also a kewl dude. He sleeps a lot too. I'm pretty relaxed, I can say. Alhamdulillah.
The only thing boring is staying indoors, at home. While everyone else is enjoying their other chores, like shopping and eating out. Talk about eating out, I'm going to miss that. I have put on a lot. Well, I put on a lot with my previous pregnancy, and I didn't quite lost it when I got pregnant again. Well, actually I lost a lot during my previous pregnancy, but put on postnatal. Then as I was losing, I got pregnant. I didn't put much on till the last few weeks. I was crazy over sugary food. I caved in, just couldn't handle it. So now, I'm very overweight. I checked this morning, I got 2 stones and a half to kill in the next 6 months. It will be tough. But I hope I can lose it. I've been inspired after watching "The biggest loser." Almost daily. But I can't diet yet, nor can I start my workouts till 5th week. Even when I start my exercise regime, I shouldn't be dieting. Well, if anything the idea is to get back my fitness level.
I have a NEW GOAL from now onwards. I want this break to ReFRESH me; so I will feel GREAT. Ultimately, I want to be HAPPY. Yes, my goal is to be HAPPY. I can go back to why I started this blog. To be positive, to fly high like the butterfly :)
(image source: www.bradfitzpatrick.com)
Friday, January 16, 2009
New Year New Beginning...
NOT...
I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being real. That's me.
Let's say, the new year has been very very very challenging. The 'attack' comes from all side, and I'm trying to stay as cool, calm and collected as I can.
It's nerve-wrecking. Nope, not just the pressure to be my best, and to deliver; but not knowing where I'm heading.
Ah.. directions. Some are guided, and I believe very much it's hand-able (is there such a word?). But there's one particular direction that I'm still unsure of. It's on a different cycle. It's even worst. It is driving me nutts, pushing me almost to extreme insanity - but I'm still breathing, and seriously calm(-looking). I guess I have to. This gutt inside of me says hold on. How long for more, I'm uncertain. I'm just afraid that when I can't any longer, the erruption is enormous. As bad as that of Pompei.
Then again, a wheel rolls. I'm staying grounded, I don't know what will ever happen. Like I said, these smiles can be fake many times. And too much jitters, no one can see. I'm forever scared.
Does it matter? Do they care? I really don't know. I know I want to know.
Aaah. new year, but no ending? I pray it will. Very soon. Cause I don't want to keep hoping. God says be patient, stay patient. I can keep on praying, but if I'm not trying and as passive as now, did it mean I have tried my best?
God, pls give me guidance, for I need it now more than ever. But I'm thankful for the rezeki God's given.
I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being real. That's me.
Let's say, the new year has been very very very challenging. The 'attack' comes from all side, and I'm trying to stay as cool, calm and collected as I can.
It's nerve-wrecking. Nope, not just the pressure to be my best, and to deliver; but not knowing where I'm heading.
Ah.. directions. Some are guided, and I believe very much it's hand-able (is there such a word?). But there's one particular direction that I'm still unsure of. It's on a different cycle. It's even worst. It is driving me nutts, pushing me almost to extreme insanity - but I'm still breathing, and seriously calm(-looking). I guess I have to. This gutt inside of me says hold on. How long for more, I'm uncertain. I'm just afraid that when I can't any longer, the erruption is enormous. As bad as that of Pompei.
Then again, a wheel rolls. I'm staying grounded, I don't know what will ever happen. Like I said, these smiles can be fake many times. And too much jitters, no one can see. I'm forever scared.
Does it matter? Do they care? I really don't know. I know I want to know.
Aaah. new year, but no ending? I pray it will. Very soon. Cause I don't want to keep hoping. God says be patient, stay patient. I can keep on praying, but if I'm not trying and as passive as now, did it mean I have tried my best?
God, pls give me guidance, for I need it now more than ever. But I'm thankful for the rezeki God's given.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Soulsearching
It's almost end of the year. So, I'm wishing all the best wishes to everyone:
Have a joyful Christmas to those celebrating.
A prosperous and harmonious new Hijrah 1430 to Muslims all over.
A brilliant New Year 2010 to everyone.
I'd like to thank those who had supported me all this while.
But for a temporary time, I will be gone from blogging. I need time to re-charge my life, my thoughts, my views, my vision. Call it re-strategizing and re-engineering my resolutions.
I will be back... sometime in the new year. Refreshed.
Take good care everyone, take comfort with all the good things we have in life :)
Have a joyful Christmas to those celebrating.
A prosperous and harmonious new Hijrah 1430 to Muslims all over.
A brilliant New Year 2010 to everyone.
I'd like to thank those who had supported me all this while.
But for a temporary time, I will be gone from blogging. I need time to re-charge my life, my thoughts, my views, my vision. Call it re-strategizing and re-engineering my resolutions.
I will be back... sometime in the new year. Refreshed.
Take good care everyone, take comfort with all the good things we have in life :)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
FirstAid a requirement
I had to take my child for a GP review last Thursday at the local clinic. I couldn't escape from work until half three. I reached the clinic just before 4pm. To my surprise there were still quite a number of people waiting. The many people waiting was an unusual case. At that late time.
No one was attending the reception. A notice said they were closed. "Great", I thought. But a staff saw me and after explaining to her why I was late, she gave in out of sympathy. Bless her.
Lucky for me, dad was waiting to see his doctor too. It was him who mentioned that there was an emergency in one of the treatment rooms, and all doctors were attending to it. His appointment had to be abruptly stopped temporary for his doctor to take the emergency call. So, the waiting didn't bother me.
Dad got called back in, and cheeky of him, took my daughter along to get reviewed. I must admit I felt guilty, but it saved my time; I let him be. I am only human.
While waiting for my driver to pick us up (I was unwell and safety comes first - I had to be driven), I had the chance to talk to the clerks and nurses. They told me of the emergency. Sadly, despite everyone's efforts, a young child lost his life after choking on rambutan.
My condolence goes to the family. I'm writing here NOT to add salt to their wound, but as a parent myself I feel for them. I don't know where it went wrong, but the child was alone with their domestic helper. Parents were working.
This could happen to any of us. Most of us are working parents and having to leave our child in the hands of our helpers at home. Forget our helpers, even many of us parents do not know how to handle emergency situations.
Just earlier this year, I was requesting a colleague to put me on the list if they were to hold a workshop on FirstAid. I've not been called yet. I've also had at the back of my mind to send my home helpers for First Aid courses, if they were available. This recent incident call for urgent attention.
I'm blogging to request the Ministry of Health to establish First Aid trainings for the public, and for domestic helpers and drivers. They could charge us a fee. The employers will pay for their employees.
Perhaps also, the Labour Department could impose some kind of policy to ensuring domestic helpers have the most basic training of first aid, and Health and Safety (including handling fire, exiting premises, etc). The latter should be done in coroperation with the Fire Brigade.
If these are established, please make sure that registration are easily accessible (possibly on-line) and the public are aware of the trainings.
No one was attending the reception. A notice said they were closed. "Great", I thought. But a staff saw me and after explaining to her why I was late, she gave in out of sympathy. Bless her.
Lucky for me, dad was waiting to see his doctor too. It was him who mentioned that there was an emergency in one of the treatment rooms, and all doctors were attending to it. His appointment had to be abruptly stopped temporary for his doctor to take the emergency call. So, the waiting didn't bother me.
Dad got called back in, and cheeky of him, took my daughter along to get reviewed. I must admit I felt guilty, but it saved my time; I let him be. I am only human.
While waiting for my driver to pick us up (I was unwell and safety comes first - I had to be driven), I had the chance to talk to the clerks and nurses. They told me of the emergency. Sadly, despite everyone's efforts, a young child lost his life after choking on rambutan.
My condolence goes to the family. I'm writing here NOT to add salt to their wound, but as a parent myself I feel for them. I don't know where it went wrong, but the child was alone with their domestic helper. Parents were working.
This could happen to any of us. Most of us are working parents and having to leave our child in the hands of our helpers at home. Forget our helpers, even many of us parents do not know how to handle emergency situations.
Just earlier this year, I was requesting a colleague to put me on the list if they were to hold a workshop on FirstAid. I've not been called yet. I've also had at the back of my mind to send my home helpers for First Aid courses, if they were available. This recent incident call for urgent attention.
I'm blogging to request the Ministry of Health to establish First Aid trainings for the public, and for domestic helpers and drivers. They could charge us a fee. The employers will pay for their employees.
Perhaps also, the Labour Department could impose some kind of policy to ensuring domestic helpers have the most basic training of first aid, and Health and Safety (including handling fire, exiting premises, etc). The latter should be done in coroperation with the Fire Brigade.
If these are established, please make sure that registration are easily accessible (possibly on-line) and the public are aware of the trainings.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
It's not easy...
But who says it won't be difficult? I must have lived in fantasy world when I first thought things will all be plain sailing. No storms, no rough tides...
Haha... I must have been kidding myself. Nevermind. We all learnt from what crosses our life path. This is why I kept coming back to my theme song (You Gotta be - Desree) when I was an undergraduate. God knows where I kept my CD singles. I've a big collection of them then. I got to look for them. Stashed somewhere. At least Youtube's around to play this all time favourite of mine. Dedicated to you all, feeling the way I feel. We just have to be strong and tough.
Well, it's been a month since I last posted. I didn't even post anything worth reading in the last few months. I'm just not thinking... I'm unsure whether it's plain boredom or just out of ideas. The first is more likely. There are many to talk about, but to pen them or rather key them in here is something that requires time. I just don't have that recently. Bogged down with jobs. Even I can't finish my tasks at work, let alone trying to play around here.
Yup, I'm pretty much behind schedule with my usual project. Plenty of things to be done. I've hands to help, but this is really busy time of the year, everyone is trying to finish their own projects. Asking for help, ofcourse doesn't mean I'm incapable, just that it makes me feel guilty. Cause some people can't say no to you, when they are not sincere to help. So, I let myself handle those tasks alone. I'll get them done soon, I hope. They need to be, anyway.
I was PO-ed with a colleague the other day (been sometime, just before raya actually). Sometime early august she was avoiding me whenever i asked her when we should begin 'our' project. After a while, she diplomatically said she's passed me to do some administrative tasks only - and that should be sometime next year. That was not part of the plan. So basically, she has 'politely' taken me off THE project team. I was annoyed, but somewhat accepted that. It wasn't the end of the world.
But then suddenly just before raya when pressed by 'her' client, she came smiling and oh!so friendly. Asking me to produce a proposal for the project URGENTLY. Too bad for her - I've not bothered at all doing the proposal till now. As far as I'm concern, I am not in her 'team'.
I bumped into her yesterday, and she looked PO-ed with me. Do I care? No. Well, what can I say... Life's a bitch. If you can't beat them, join them.
(God forgives me...)
Haha... I must have been kidding myself. Nevermind. We all learnt from what crosses our life path. This is why I kept coming back to my theme song (You Gotta be - Desree) when I was an undergraduate. God knows where I kept my CD singles. I've a big collection of them then. I got to look for them. Stashed somewhere. At least Youtube's around to play this all time favourite of mine. Dedicated to you all, feeling the way I feel. We just have to be strong and tough.
Well, it's been a month since I last posted. I didn't even post anything worth reading in the last few months. I'm just not thinking... I'm unsure whether it's plain boredom or just out of ideas. The first is more likely. There are many to talk about, but to pen them or rather key them in here is something that requires time. I just don't have that recently. Bogged down with jobs. Even I can't finish my tasks at work, let alone trying to play around here.
Yup, I'm pretty much behind schedule with my usual project. Plenty of things to be done. I've hands to help, but this is really busy time of the year, everyone is trying to finish their own projects. Asking for help, ofcourse doesn't mean I'm incapable, just that it makes me feel guilty. Cause some people can't say no to you, when they are not sincere to help. So, I let myself handle those tasks alone. I'll get them done soon, I hope. They need to be, anyway.
I was PO-ed with a colleague the other day (been sometime, just before raya actually). Sometime early august she was avoiding me whenever i asked her when we should begin 'our' project. After a while, she diplomatically said she's passed me to do some administrative tasks only - and that should be sometime next year. That was not part of the plan. So basically, she has 'politely' taken me off THE project team. I was annoyed, but somewhat accepted that. It wasn't the end of the world.
But then suddenly just before raya when pressed by 'her' client, she came smiling and oh!so friendly. Asking me to produce a proposal for the project URGENTLY. Too bad for her - I've not bothered at all doing the proposal till now. As far as I'm concern, I am not in her 'team'.
I bumped into her yesterday, and she looked PO-ed with me. Do I care? No. Well, what can I say... Life's a bitch. If you can't beat them, join them.
(God forgives me...)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Maaf Zahir Batin
Wishing everyone a wonderful Eidul Fitri 1429. May Allah Bless Us All.
Best wishes,
Winx
Best wishes,
Winx
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Selling Apples
19 apple macbooks sold between $100-$400 ain't that much but tells us of a desperate criminal. Equivalent to a profit between $1900-$7600. Too little, to waste court's time, police and investigation time, school's administration time, and his time of 19 months in jail. Ofcourse, these had to be done. Crime needs to be stopped. I can sense emotions and anger in his victims, $400 max is a lot to each of them having their purchase confiscated (and perhaps returned to the School after a while). It's not just the time crime costed, but efforts, emotions and funds involved. Obviously, that equated to more than the $7,600 profit he 'made.'
Didn't think he'd get caught. Penetrated a crime in a school known to have some disciplinary issues with students. Who would have taught a teacher would do it, students would have been the culprits. But like they say "sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua." I wonder what he's thinking now. I wonder how he rationalized and justified his behaviour.
Lost his teachership and trust. Lost his job at such a young age. Does he have a family - a wife and kids? Wonder how they cope with the embarassment. He is supposed to be a model. He is a teacher. But he detriment the image of the profession.
Is this another case of easy money? What on earth is happening to our morality. Are we becoming a materialistic and money-oriented society? What's wrong with us? Why do we succumb to all these pressures? Is life that hard that being deviant is the chosen action? I'm sitting down thinking how we could correct our unethical minds ...
Didn't think he'd get caught. Penetrated a crime in a school known to have some disciplinary issues with students. Who would have taught a teacher would do it, students would have been the culprits. But like they say "sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua." I wonder what he's thinking now. I wonder how he rationalized and justified his behaviour.
Lost his teachership and trust. Lost his job at such a young age. Does he have a family - a wife and kids? Wonder how they cope with the embarassment. He is supposed to be a model. He is a teacher. But he detriment the image of the profession.
Is this another case of easy money? What on earth is happening to our morality. Are we becoming a materialistic and money-oriented society? What's wrong with us? Why do we succumb to all these pressures? Is life that hard that being deviant is the chosen action? I'm sitting down thinking how we could correct our unethical minds ...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Another level
Now, we have a Bruneian caught in Chile for drug smuggling. That's taken us to another level.
It's no longer okay for us to think that the number of drug-users and drug-traficker are relatively small in comparison to the population (based on stats from NCB). We have to take urgent precaution. We ALL have to take actions, not just NCB.
It's 15 packets of coke. 5.73kg - that's more than the biggest bag of Breeze (or washing powder) available in the supermarket. That's not a tiny amount to play with. That's enough to penetrate more than a whole secondary school to go bonkers. Scary. Sickening. Silly.
Thank God he's caught. It's a shame. It's even a shame if he is anak melayu (stats indicate there are more malays involve in drug-usage, I'm not sure with drug-traficking).
I do wonder the profile of this kid. Is he employed? Is he (highly) educated? What is his background. How did he all started? I'm sure NCB is working on this.
I wish to congratulate those concern for managing to catch this guy. I wonder what's his punishment. He sure is making history, but not in a good way.
let's all say no to drug -usage, and traficking!
It's no longer okay for us to think that the number of drug-users and drug-traficker are relatively small in comparison to the population (based on stats from NCB). We have to take urgent precaution. We ALL have to take actions, not just NCB.
It's 15 packets of coke. 5.73kg - that's more than the biggest bag of Breeze (or washing powder) available in the supermarket. That's not a tiny amount to play with. That's enough to penetrate more than a whole secondary school to go bonkers. Scary. Sickening. Silly.
Thank God he's caught. It's a shame. It's even a shame if he is anak melayu (stats indicate there are more malays involve in drug-usage, I'm not sure with drug-traficking).
I do wonder the profile of this kid. Is he employed? Is he (highly) educated? What is his background. How did he all started? I'm sure NCB is working on this.
I wish to congratulate those concern for managing to catch this guy. I wonder what's his punishment. He sure is making history, but not in a good way.
let's all say no to drug -usage, and traficking!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Moving on
I contemplated on what I written in the last post. Have I just jeopardised my chances of promotions? Perhaps. Would I even be considered for my 'appeal'? Not very likely.
So I thought... should I remove it? My mind says if I was to save my career, I should.
Well, I want to save my career. My livelihood depends on it. But if I remove my post, I'd be one of those who shrink under pressure. I don't want to be one of them. The truth must be out. If we were ever to move on and develop. The way I see it, we should be able to accept crititism. I stand by it, no matter how much it hurts. It's what make us stronger.
Some would argue, don't just talk about the issues and problems, we got to solve them. Contribute with solutions, then they'd be progressive, positive and constructive.
So here I am with a solution to my problem. I would be writing it to them, who ever is concern and authoritative. I know where the problem lies, but penalising, discouraging and stopping me (with no hard facts, and black and white) from finishing what I need to get done would not solve anything. Would also be a waste of everyone's resources, time and effort in the long run. I'm no longer asking for answers to the why not. I am appealing to them to give me what I need. Not without condition. If I come out successful with the project on the proposed timeline, don't penalise me. Otherwise, I'm willing to pay back every cents spent on my proposal.
It's risky and drastic. Give us (not just me) that chance, and we'll put our very best. There is no reason why we should fail to deliver. History taught us well. We may sound selfish, but the success and product of our projects will permeate nationwide. It would be of everyone's good, and not just us - ourselves. Let's have an open mind.
So I thought... should I remove it? My mind says if I was to save my career, I should.
Well, I want to save my career. My livelihood depends on it. But if I remove my post, I'd be one of those who shrink under pressure. I don't want to be one of them. The truth must be out. If we were ever to move on and develop. The way I see it, we should be able to accept crititism. I stand by it, no matter how much it hurts. It's what make us stronger.
Some would argue, don't just talk about the issues and problems, we got to solve them. Contribute with solutions, then they'd be progressive, positive and constructive.
So here I am with a solution to my problem. I would be writing it to them, who ever is concern and authoritative. I know where the problem lies, but penalising, discouraging and stopping me (with no hard facts, and black and white) from finishing what I need to get done would not solve anything. Would also be a waste of everyone's resources, time and effort in the long run. I'm no longer asking for answers to the why not. I am appealing to them to give me what I need. Not without condition. If I come out successful with the project on the proposed timeline, don't penalise me. Otherwise, I'm willing to pay back every cents spent on my proposal.
It's risky and drastic. Give us (not just me) that chance, and we'll put our very best. There is no reason why we should fail to deliver. History taught us well. We may sound selfish, but the success and product of our projects will permeate nationwide. It would be of everyone's good, and not just us - ourselves. Let's have an open mind.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
It takes GUTTS to fight on
The last few weeks have been interesting. I got to open my eyes. I found out and figured the fakes and the genuines. Like branded leather bags, the fakes lose their softness after a while. Ofcourse some, are totally stiff from the start. You just have to learn to distinct between the fakes, replica, inaunthentics with genuine and real ones. They are usually not difficult if you learn to master the detection process. So yes, I got to know who my true and good friends are, and who revolves around me to make my (career) life hell. It's okay. Rezeki di tangan Tuhan, and God knows the truth.
To be honest, when it comes to career now, it's a laugh. The performance appraisal is out, and I'm yet to fill them in. My plans for development, ... let me see... It's sickening really. Do they even bother to read? Or there are just too many of us. That's not a good excuse. Indeed, it's a competitive world, to be listened to or to be even reviewed. I'm all for competition, but let's be healthy. And why compete, when we can ally. Unfortunately, synergy is not essential in backstabing organization.
Sometimes, you put your best. Oh yes, I think I've contributed a lot in the last one year (forget the last few years), but do they care? I do wonder. It's frustrating to see that some people (with titles) who just knows how to delegate and not even 'turun padang' get promoted or seen as fascinating and high calibred. And some of them, are 'si-tau' yet if you asked them deep, they don't know sh*t. Whilst, some of us, who put our hearts into it, even do the dirty jobs, never question how much money we've put in to make some tasks successful (as if we can ever get budgets for these), be creative, and so forth, don't get the support you asked for. Some of us don't get promoted. We don't even understand on what grounds some people got theirs. On a case by case basis? Do they even understand the meaning of that? Then they asked you not to give up. They are simply talking bulls. Either playing dumb or really stu**d. Not forgetting - myopic in thoughts and perspectives. Sad that people with responsibilities donot put their BEST-est to develop us to the fullest. Unfortunately some of us don't know how to lick *ss, well, it's not our principle; and some of us are too honest, but honesty doesn't pay.
I'm angry. Yes. For me and for others in similar situations. Ah, so much for Tunas Bangsa. But there's a new boss in town. Hope is there. Amin. As what I've seen him, he's mad (in a good way), enthusiastic, tough, solution-oriented, network-minded, and I believe strategical. Not to say the former wasn't. It takes gutts to steer, drive and produce changes. I think he has that. I'm giving my utmost support. I'm ready to embrace changes. No matter how drastic it will be. If it's all for genuine intentions.
To be honest, when it comes to career now, it's a laugh. The performance appraisal is out, and I'm yet to fill them in. My plans for development, ... let me see... It's sickening really. Do they even bother to read? Or there are just too many of us. That's not a good excuse. Indeed, it's a competitive world, to be listened to or to be even reviewed. I'm all for competition, but let's be healthy. And why compete, when we can ally. Unfortunately, synergy is not essential in backstabing organization.
Sometimes, you put your best. Oh yes, I think I've contributed a lot in the last one year (forget the last few years), but do they care? I do wonder. It's frustrating to see that some people (with titles) who just knows how to delegate and not even 'turun padang' get promoted or seen as fascinating and high calibred. And some of them, are 'si-tau' yet if you asked them deep, they don't know sh*t. Whilst, some of us, who put our hearts into it, even do the dirty jobs, never question how much money we've put in to make some tasks successful (as if we can ever get budgets for these), be creative, and so forth, don't get the support you asked for. Some of us don't get promoted. We don't even understand on what grounds some people got theirs. On a case by case basis? Do they even understand the meaning of that? Then they asked you not to give up. They are simply talking bulls. Either playing dumb or really stu**d. Not forgetting - myopic in thoughts and perspectives. Sad that people with responsibilities donot put their BEST-est to develop us to the fullest. Unfortunately some of us don't know how to lick *ss, well, it's not our principle; and some of us are too honest, but honesty doesn't pay.
I'm angry. Yes. For me and for others in similar situations. Ah, so much for Tunas Bangsa. But there's a new boss in town. Hope is there. Amin. As what I've seen him, he's mad (in a good way), enthusiastic, tough, solution-oriented, network-minded, and I believe strategical. Not to say the former wasn't. It takes gutts to steer, drive and produce changes. I think he has that. I'm giving my utmost support. I'm ready to embrace changes. No matter how drastic it will be. If it's all for genuine intentions.
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