Dedicated to the man I love

Dear Baby,
It was 5 years ago when you came into my life. It's this weekend that we first talked to each other. It's next month you came to see me, proposed to me, and a month later, we got engaged. 2 months after we got married. We have had a gorgeous life together so far. Beautiful over 4 years marriage memories, cute kids, nice house, supportive families. I couldn't ask for anything else. I shouldn't. And, I would want to keep it that way forever and ever.

I dedicated to you this song when I was thousands of miles away from you then. It inspired you to create your proposal avatar; "Just a little project I worked on last evening whilst listening to Shakira's "Moscas En La Casa" .. Mis dias sin ti (Flies In the House .. Days without you)." Although, Mariah Carey's and Busta Rhymes "I know what you want" had been our theme song, and we did go to her concert during our honeymoon, and yes, we had our second child named after her (not our first, hahaha), it has always been Shakira's mis dias sin ti that reflects my heart when I am away from you. I believe the same with you.

Now that we've known each other for 5 years, these songs remain close to my heart. I look forward to forever-ness. Amin. One thing for sure, 'mis dias sin ti' is difficult, and I can't imagine being without you. I don't want to be without you. I want to spend the rest of your life with me and our kids. Just us.

Baby,
If I ever showed disinterest, I never meant to.
If I looked swayed, that's not true.
For in my heart, there's only you.
I sincerely and honestly love you. Only you.



Your wifey,
winx

P.S. Thank you for the beautiful winx.







Finally, the translation that you wanted all this while.


My days without you are so dark,
so long, so gray,
my days without you are so absurd,
so bitter, so tough,
my days without you,
My days without you don't have nights,
if someone appears,
it's useless to sleep,
my days without you are an excess,
the hours don't have a beginning, or end

so short of air,
so filled with nothing,
useless junk,
trash on the floor,
flies in the house

my days without you are like a sky,
without silvery moons,
nor traces of the sun,
my days without you are only an echo,
that always repeats,
the same song

so short of air,
so filled with nothing,
useless junk,
trash on the floor,
flies in the house

stumble on the rocks,
still i keep waiting that you'll return to me,
still i keep looking in the faces of the old,
bits of a child,
hunting reasons that make me believe,
that still i meet with life,
biting my fingernails,
drowning in my tears,
missing you so much,

my days without,
oh how they hurt, my days without you

Ya Allah
Kau peliharakanlah dan teguhkanlah ikatan kasih sayang kami berdua
Jangan kau putuskan rezeki kami;
(cinta kami, anak-anak kami, kesihatan kami, dan harta-benda kami)
Kau murahkan lagi rezeki-rezeki ini kepada kami;
Berikan kami masa selamanya untuk menyayangi sesama kami;
berikan kami kesempatan untuk memelihara, menyayangi, membesarkan anak-anak kami bersama,
agar mereka menjadi anak-anak soleh, beriman, dan berjaya;
kuatkan keimanan kami dengan cubaan-cubaan mu;
bukakan hati kami kepada jalan yang lurus;
tutupkan hati kami kepada yang buruk, yang boleh menghancurkan kasih-sayang dan rezeki-rezeki kami.
Ya Allah,
hanya Engkau tempat ku meminta
Engkau Maha Tinggi, Maha Kaya, Maha Kuasa.
Wa Sal Allahu Ala Sayidina Muhammaddin, Wa Ala Alihi, Wa Sahbihi Wa Sallam
Walhamdulillah hir-rabil Al-Amin

On a positive note

I must have exaggerated. I was having a difficult time in the last month, but, I have to say a lot of my time was involved with quite a few projects, hence the inability to update my blog, or read other people's blogs. Professionally, I have to say Alhamdulillah, berezeki.

The usual project I handled is now in its middle stage. Things had fall in the right places, and I'm grateful to my team. Particularly my secretary. He has been resourceful - young and energetic. Haven't said no to me yet, or perhaps too afraid to say no. Haha. He is like my PA; constantly reminding me of meetings and things I should be doing, more like my talking management diary. He'd even text me in the morning to remind me I should be in the office at a certain time. He's good. I'd highly recommend him. He works hard. I know the other members bully him, cause he thinks he can handle all. He tries hard to show them he can. I appreciate that. I'd like to see him delegate the tasks I assign to the other members himself, rather than me. But he's not have the gutts yet. I think he'll get it in a few years. He just need confidence and assertiveness.

Another member; she's pretty, cute, sweet and manja. She's fun as well. Actually, she's our secret weapon. We know she has the charm; no one has turn her down yet. No one. She's getting married in August. I wish her well. He must be the luckiest man on earth.

Then there's the other go-getter. She's smart, I like her brain, I like her confidence, I like her know-it-all attitude. She's got some ego, and I think she will do well in her career. She listens, that's important, even if she has a strong view over a topic.

There's also the handsome boy. We all like his carefree attitude. He's smart. He's fun. The girls are playful with him. I like to see that. Nothing kinky.

Another young member, she's the gym-goer. Like every lunch time, she is thinking of working out. She is planning to marry too. So I guess, trying to look extra good on the wedding day. I wish her well.

My deputy, he's a busy man. I think he feels a little left out. He was always my wing man, but now my new secretary is doing his job too well. I feel guilty at times, when I forgot to cc him e-mails or update him on the latest. As if he doesn't exist. But I do, every now and then. But he's my backbone, no matter what. He's there when I needed an extra brain to think.

My other deputy, he must really feel left out, or he is happier where he is. My other two members are too engaged with their personal matters, and I tolerate that. I have to understand that some people may not be available when things are rough for them on that front. Cause, I know how difficult it is to focus when personal circumstances get in the way.

I'm happy with my team. This team.

My other projects involve me working with various other people. One particular project is just done. I'm not really sure if it's totally complete, at least my part was done. That was not easy. Lack of planning. But we had our exit strategies. Haha. The few of us who weren't happy with how it was handled. I think many weren't happy. But what to do, it has to be done. It could have been done better. Only if there weren't any personal agenda. Let's stop there.

Another project is at its very initial stage. I'm a professional, I work with anybody. Not to say I'm not cautious with people's agenda. I like transparency, I like honesty. I don't like back-stabbing. I don't like to be used as an instrument. So, yes, it has stayed at the very initial stage. I've laid down my conditions, to move forward. If she ignores all these, tough. I will not be in the project team, even if I know I'm a necessity. And yes, it involves remuneration. It's a mega project, I may be at lost. I want this project. But, rezeki halal is ultimate.

I've just been invited to another project. I am very keen on this one. But it will be tough. The meeting is to be held next week I believe. It's not a big team, but I'm to work with a partner. A partner that's tough to work with. She's good with communication skill, but I know this assignment is not her expertise. And, she has a reputation for slow delivery. She must have her reasons. Team effort, that will be a big question. It'll be a 'me' project somehow. I guess I have to be ready for that. I'm just taking this positively. I really want to work on this project, for professional development.

There is another project I've been invited. Meetings went well. It is nice number team. I'm in only for a few hours. Early June. Very interesting. I like this project. Easy. I've not made my preparation yet. Next week, I've to focus on this. It'll be good and fun.

My final on-going project. Has taken me down and up to Belait. It's the toughest of all. Outcomes can only be measured afterwards. It takes a lot of time and effort. Driving to Belait is tiring, but remuneration is GREAT, if I can stay deliverable. My only concern is... haha.. the driving to and fro. Our road network is appalling, especially from Telisai Satelite Station onto Seria by-pass. I can understand how commuters feel now. Lucky I don't need to be in during the rush hours. If I do, my stress level could go up I guess. I'm also embarrassed for us. At my age, I'm driving on the same tiny road that my dad drove us to KB when we were little. It's not in it's best condition anyway, so little wonder we hear every other day there are accidents. Imagine how many working hour is lost because of our roads. Come on road engineers, planners and MoD, please do something about this. I'm sure that there's a way to expand our road network, and make commuting/driving to Belait a safe, easy and less-stress one.

Life goes on

It's been almost a month since I last enter. I didn't even read this blog, or other blogs. A lot happened. A lot lot lot. Made me think. Twice, thrice, endlessly. It's totally personal. About me, my feelings, my actions or in-actions. Pursue or not pursue. Move on or stay in the past. Fuzzy is the word to describe my brain... then. Until I learnt a few days ago on the word 'NOW.' I must admit, it's not easy capitalizing on this powerful THREE letter word. At the same time, I have had relapses in between the last 48 hours, but I'm putting faith onto NOW.

Along the way, I'm meeting others - a lot lot of others, perhaps in my situation, perhaps worst, perhaps not. Various words and theories are put forth to describe all these. Temptation as one, faith as another, trust add ons, bother-less also on the list... emotional was even subscribed. Interesting. Questions of why, why not, when, what if, where, and ... are thrown around. Strategies planned. Withdraw or charged. Take charge or surrender.

Only God knows how strong I will be.

P.S. To those I have (unintentionally) hurt (before)... I am so sorry. I never meant to. Sometimes, things happened. Forgive me once again. If only I knew all the answers, it'll make it easier. But I am only human. Let's move on. Cause life goes on, and I am still breathing.