New Year New Beginning...

NOT...

I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being real. That's me.

Let's say, the new year has been very very very challenging. The 'attack' comes from all side, and I'm trying to stay as cool, calm and collected as I can.

It's nerve-wrecking. Nope, not just the pressure to be my best, and to deliver; but not knowing where I'm heading.

Ah.. directions. Some are guided, and I believe very much it's hand-able (is there such a word?). But there's one particular direction that I'm still unsure of. It's on a different cycle. It's even worst. It is driving me nutts, pushing me almost to extreme insanity - but I'm still breathing, and seriously calm(-looking). I guess I have to. This gutt inside of me says hold on. How long for more, I'm uncertain. I'm just afraid that when I can't any longer, the erruption is enormous. As bad as that of Pompei.

Then again, a wheel rolls. I'm staying grounded, I don't know what will ever happen. Like I said, these smiles can be fake many times. And too much jitters, no one can see. I'm forever scared.

Does it matter? Do they care? I really don't know. I know I want to know.

Aaah. new year, but no ending? I pray it will. Very soon. Cause I don't want to keep hoping. God says be patient, stay patient. I can keep on praying, but if I'm not trying and as passive as now, did it mean I have tried my best?

God, pls give me guidance, for I need it now more than ever. But I'm thankful for the rezeki God's given.