Have I P.O-ed a lot of people?

Ah, that's a great question I guess never will be answered. I must have, I believed. Do I care? Yes, I do. Must I apologize? I'm thinking - should I apologize for what I believe in? For what should have been my right?

I was talking to SOMEbody this morning. Well, he's only a messenger. He delivered what needed to be delivered to me. Not a GREAT news. I should have been told much earlier. But how would they convey it nicely to me? I guess they've to wait till I 'hantar' diri. I didn't quite finished and I was interrupted. I knew what it meant.

I didn't shed a tear, even if I wanted to. I was utterly dismayed, disappointed. But, I wasn't really taken aback by the news. I mean this heart, this brain has received too many bullets and missiles over the last few months. In fact, since late last year. What's another bomb, right?

Yes, I've toughened up a little bit. No, I'm not angry. It's not anybody's fault but me. I'm not going to point fingers at others. Cause it was one mistake I made 5 years back. No, that wasn't a mistake at all. It was a miscalculation. Now thought about it again, the miscalculation was not 5 years back. It was way back December 1998. All because I didn't like disappointing a particular person. So, the blame is on me. For ALWAYS putting others over me. I never like to say NO even if it meant it'll cause me terribly. Be it family, friends, acquaintance, work.

But could it also be karma? I hurt too many people in the process. One, two, three, yeh! more than one. They must have been praying for me to live guiltily forever. I do hope they'd find in their heart to forgive me.

Then again, GOD works wonder! Does things in mysterious ways. It's incredible and amazing actually. I'm not going into details on this. But Alhamdullilah, I saw the setback of last November. Thank God, it happened. Otherwise, ... Now, this - today. I guess, I have to preservere. There must be something totally beautiful beyond this. Amin.

This was Plan B. Plan A failed. Plan A, Plan B now out of the way. I don't have Plan C. Too confident Plan B would worked. It was supposed to work. I was given the green lights. Yes, a little misled. But it's okay. Now, back to drawing board for Plan C. Gotta kill me to make me quit trying. Cause I'm too young to quit.

But maybe a getaway again, before I pen my plan C. Where to? Any suggestions?

(image source: www.pitt.edu)