It takes GUTTS to fight on

The last few weeks have been interesting. I got to open my eyes. I found out and figured the fakes and the genuines. Like branded leather bags, the fakes lose their softness after a while. Ofcourse some, are totally stiff from the start. You just have to learn to distinct between the fakes, replica, inaunthentics with genuine and real ones. They are usually not difficult if you learn to master the detection process. So yes, I got to know who my true and good friends are, and who revolves around me to make my (career) life hell. It's okay. Rezeki di tangan Tuhan, and God knows the truth.

To be honest, when it comes to career now, it's a laugh. The performance appraisal is out, and I'm yet to fill them in. My plans for development, ... let me see... It's sickening really. Do they even bother to read? Or there are just too many of us. That's not a good excuse. Indeed, it's a competitive world, to be listened to or to be even reviewed. I'm all for competition, but let's be healthy. And why compete, when we can ally. Unfortunately, synergy is not essential in backstabing organization.

Sometimes, you put your best. Oh yes, I think I've contributed a lot in the last one year (forget the last few years), but do they care? I do wonder. It's frustrating to see that some people (with titles) who just knows how to delegate and not even 'turun padang' get promoted or seen as fascinating and high calibred. And some of them, are 'si-tau' yet if you asked them deep, they don't know sh*t. Whilst, some of us, who put our hearts into it, even do the dirty jobs, never question how much money we've put in to make some tasks successful (as if we can ever get budgets for these), be creative, and so forth, don't get the support you asked for. Some of us don't get promoted. We don't even understand on what grounds some people got theirs. On a case by case basis? Do they even understand the meaning of that? Then they asked you not to give up. They are simply talking bulls. Either playing dumb or really stu**d. Not forgetting - myopic in thoughts and perspectives. Sad that people with responsibilities donot put their BEST-est to develop us to the fullest. Unfortunately some of us don't know how to lick *ss, well, it's not our principle; and some of us are too honest, but honesty doesn't pay.

I'm angry. Yes. For me and for others in similar situations. Ah, so much for Tunas Bangsa. But there's a new boss in town. Hope is there. Amin. As what I've seen him, he's mad (in a good way), enthusiastic, tough, solution-oriented, network-minded, and I believe strategical. Not to say the former wasn't. It takes gutts to steer, drive and produce changes. I think he has that. I'm giving my utmost support. I'm ready to embrace changes. No matter how drastic it will be. If it's all for genuine intentions.

Another P... positive

Well, I had planned to run the 21k this sunday. Only that I won't be. I'd just be sitting down, and absorbing the atmosphere, waiting for the soul-mate to finish his run in 2 hours. I wanted to do the 5, but I learnt there were less than 20 when I wanted to register, and they sounded young and brutal. As much it would have been a fun run, I didn't want to finish too far behind from the rest. I need to have a steady heart rate, if I join. It's not a good idea anyway. I'll feel pressured not to run faster. I might over heat, so nevermind, there'll be a next time. A bit frustrating that I missed the last Brunei marathon, and this one now. It's okay.

Yes, I've lost weight from going back to running and weight training - 6 kilos to be exact. I needed another 5k to go back to pre-marital size. It's been difficult, but was determined.

I am still determined, but I've been reminded not to go on a diet at the moment. In fact, my running has stopped. My exercising faltered slightly. I still dance every so often, and do a bit of weights. I have the tendency to go rigorous, causing my heart to beat faster (than it should). I must not go a maximum of 70% mhr. But most times, it did. This tires me easily. In fact, I get exhausted so easily these days, from doing nothing.

Anyway, am little frustrated that I've not reached my target weight yet. It'll not be until end of the first quarter next year I'd re-start my weight-loss programme. This wasn't planned. Not at all. I was not ready, not another 3 years. But like I said God works in mysterious way. He took away one good thing, and replace with something more beautiful, InsyaAllah.

Hah... Bali has done its effects.

Alhamdulillah :)