Maaf Zahir Batin

Wishing everyone a wonderful Eidul Fitri 1429. May Allah Bless Us All.

Best wishes,
Winx

Selling Apples

19 apple macbooks sold between $100-$400 ain't that much but tells us of a desperate criminal. Equivalent to a profit between $1900-$7600. Too little, to waste court's time, police and investigation time, school's administration time, and his time of 19 months in jail. Ofcourse, these had to be done. Crime needs to be stopped. I can sense emotions and anger in his victims, $400 max is a lot to each of them having their purchase confiscated (and perhaps returned to the School after a while). It's not just the time crime costed, but efforts, emotions and funds involved. Obviously, that equated to more than the $7,600 profit he 'made.'

Didn't think he'd get caught. Penetrated a crime in a school known to have some disciplinary issues with students. Who would have taught a teacher would do it, students would have been the culprits. But like they say "sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua." I wonder what he's thinking now. I wonder how he rationalized and justified his behaviour.

Lost his teachership and trust. Lost his job at such a young age. Does he have a family - a wife and kids? Wonder how they cope with the embarassment. He is supposed to be a model. He is a teacher. But he detriment the image of the profession.

Is this another case of easy money? What on earth is happening to our morality. Are we becoming a materialistic and money-oriented society? What's wrong with us? Why do we succumb to all these pressures? Is life that hard that being deviant is the chosen action? I'm sitting down thinking how we could correct our unethical minds ...

Another level

Now, we have a Bruneian caught in Chile for drug smuggling. That's taken us to another level.

It's no longer okay for us to think that the number of drug-users and drug-traficker are relatively small in comparison to the population (based on stats from NCB). We have to take urgent precaution. We ALL have to take actions, not just NCB.

It's 15 packets of coke. 5.73kg - that's more than the biggest bag of Breeze (or washing powder) available in the supermarket. That's not a tiny amount to play with. That's enough to penetrate more than a whole secondary school to go bonkers. Scary. Sickening. Silly.

Thank God he's caught. It's a shame. It's even a shame if he is anak melayu (stats indicate there are more malays involve in drug-usage, I'm not sure with drug-traficking).

I do wonder the profile of this kid. Is he employed? Is he (highly) educated? What is his background. How did he all started? I'm sure NCB is working on this.

I wish to congratulate those concern for managing to catch this guy. I wonder what's his punishment. He sure is making history, but not in a good way.

let's all say no to drug -usage, and traficking!

Moving on

I contemplated on what I written in the last post. Have I just jeopardised my chances of promotions? Perhaps. Would I even be considered for my 'appeal'? Not very likely.

So I thought... should I remove it? My mind says if I was to save my career, I should.

Well, I want to save my career. My livelihood depends on it. But if I remove my post, I'd be one of those who shrink under pressure. I don't want to be one of them. The truth must be out. If we were ever to move on and develop. The way I see it, we should be able to accept crititism. I stand by it, no matter how much it hurts. It's what make us stronger.

Some would argue, don't just talk about the issues and problems, we got to solve them. Contribute with solutions, then they'd be progressive, positive and constructive.

So here I am with a solution to my problem. I would be writing it to them, who ever is concern and authoritative. I know where the problem lies, but penalising, discouraging and stopping me (with no hard facts, and black and white) from finishing what I need to get done would not solve anything. Would also be a waste of everyone's resources, time and effort in the long run. I'm no longer asking for answers to the why not. I am appealing to them to give me what I need. Not without condition. If I come out successful with the project on the proposed timeline, don't penalise me. Otherwise, I'm willing to pay back every cents spent on my proposal.

It's risky and drastic. Give us (not just me) that chance, and we'll put our very best. There is no reason why we should fail to deliver. History taught us well. We may sound selfish, but the success and product of our projects will permeate nationwide. It would be of everyone's good, and not just us - ourselves. Let's have an open mind.

It takes GUTTS to fight on

The last few weeks have been interesting. I got to open my eyes. I found out and figured the fakes and the genuines. Like branded leather bags, the fakes lose their softness after a while. Ofcourse some, are totally stiff from the start. You just have to learn to distinct between the fakes, replica, inaunthentics with genuine and real ones. They are usually not difficult if you learn to master the detection process. So yes, I got to know who my true and good friends are, and who revolves around me to make my (career) life hell. It's okay. Rezeki di tangan Tuhan, and God knows the truth.

To be honest, when it comes to career now, it's a laugh. The performance appraisal is out, and I'm yet to fill them in. My plans for development, ... let me see... It's sickening really. Do they even bother to read? Or there are just too many of us. That's not a good excuse. Indeed, it's a competitive world, to be listened to or to be even reviewed. I'm all for competition, but let's be healthy. And why compete, when we can ally. Unfortunately, synergy is not essential in backstabing organization.

Sometimes, you put your best. Oh yes, I think I've contributed a lot in the last one year (forget the last few years), but do they care? I do wonder. It's frustrating to see that some people (with titles) who just knows how to delegate and not even 'turun padang' get promoted or seen as fascinating and high calibred. And some of them, are 'si-tau' yet if you asked them deep, they don't know sh*t. Whilst, some of us, who put our hearts into it, even do the dirty jobs, never question how much money we've put in to make some tasks successful (as if we can ever get budgets for these), be creative, and so forth, don't get the support you asked for. Some of us don't get promoted. We don't even understand on what grounds some people got theirs. On a case by case basis? Do they even understand the meaning of that? Then they asked you not to give up. They are simply talking bulls. Either playing dumb or really stu**d. Not forgetting - myopic in thoughts and perspectives. Sad that people with responsibilities donot put their BEST-est to develop us to the fullest. Unfortunately some of us don't know how to lick *ss, well, it's not our principle; and some of us are too honest, but honesty doesn't pay.

I'm angry. Yes. For me and for others in similar situations. Ah, so much for Tunas Bangsa. But there's a new boss in town. Hope is there. Amin. As what I've seen him, he's mad (in a good way), enthusiastic, tough, solution-oriented, network-minded, and I believe strategical. Not to say the former wasn't. It takes gutts to steer, drive and produce changes. I think he has that. I'm giving my utmost support. I'm ready to embrace changes. No matter how drastic it will be. If it's all for genuine intentions.

Another P... positive

Well, I had planned to run the 21k this sunday. Only that I won't be. I'd just be sitting down, and absorbing the atmosphere, waiting for the soul-mate to finish his run in 2 hours. I wanted to do the 5, but I learnt there were less than 20 when I wanted to register, and they sounded young and brutal. As much it would have been a fun run, I didn't want to finish too far behind from the rest. I need to have a steady heart rate, if I join. It's not a good idea anyway. I'll feel pressured not to run faster. I might over heat, so nevermind, there'll be a next time. A bit frustrating that I missed the last Brunei marathon, and this one now. It's okay.

Yes, I've lost weight from going back to running and weight training - 6 kilos to be exact. I needed another 5k to go back to pre-marital size. It's been difficult, but was determined.

I am still determined, but I've been reminded not to go on a diet at the moment. In fact, my running has stopped. My exercising faltered slightly. I still dance every so often, and do a bit of weights. I have the tendency to go rigorous, causing my heart to beat faster (than it should). I must not go a maximum of 70% mhr. But most times, it did. This tires me easily. In fact, I get exhausted so easily these days, from doing nothing.

Anyway, am little frustrated that I've not reached my target weight yet. It'll not be until end of the first quarter next year I'd re-start my weight-loss programme. This wasn't planned. Not at all. I was not ready, not another 3 years. But like I said God works in mysterious way. He took away one good thing, and replace with something more beautiful, InsyaAllah.

Hah... Bali has done its effects.

Alhamdulillah :)

P on the highway

No kidding. He must had had a gallon in there by the angle and amount of flow.

You might find this sickening, but I got to mention it. It's a rarity we get people doing their business right on the side of the highway and CLEARLY visible IN Brunei. I mean this was just less than a kilo from Jerudong Park. By the look of his face, he wasn't drunk. Yup, we stared at each other and no, 'it' didn't stop. He looked more RELIEVED, a little confused, and possibly bemused that I stared at his face, and erm... lucky not his weapon. He did look like an ex, but NO, it wasn't him, and I'm sure the ex would never have done that. Yeh, put him on an identity parade, no doubt I can pinpoint this guy. I mean he was just a few metres away. He parked his car on the side, and did his thing right beside it. Ok, good thing he put his car signal on, ofcourse not on emergency.

(Picture opposite is not the actual photo, I didn't have a camera on me. source: http://farm1.static.flickr.com)

Like I said, he didn't look intoxicated. He must have been desperate that he just couldn't control it, and had to let go there and then. But as a man he could have gone into the bushes. There weren't any really. Okay, the very least he could have covered himself with his car door. I wouldn't have noticed it from afar, even if I was wondering what kind of sprinkler was coming from the car.

Maybe he had driven from Belait. I'm not justifying his action. Think about it. There's no service station (with loos) you can get to on this 100km ride from that district. Well, except that Telisai Filling Station, they've an okay restroom you could use. I frequent this cubicle, ever so often on my way down to or up from Belait. That's only if you knew it exist. It happened by chance, in my case, sometime ago.


When I'm desperate and had passed Telisai, I do wonder if that Royal Brunei Police Highway Patrol Post has got a portable loo I could use. Never stopped to ask. Maybe that's it, put public toilets at the same spot; maybe those coin-operated and self-cleaned ones like they have in Europe. I mean if we placed them nearby the Police post, who'd dare to vandalise it. No, it's not the duty of the Police Officers stationed there to man the toilet; that's not their job of course. We just need their presence. Not just to stop potential vandalism, but any peeping Tom we girls afraid of. Just a thought.


(pic source: http://upload.wikimedia.org/...)