MIB...

Uhuh, Meeting Inda Beranti. A week passed, and busy has been and is my middle name. This entry is a definite short one, cause.. no I haven't showered and yes, 2 meetings set for this morning, and 1 in the afternoon.

Ooh. Got to go ... will definitely come back later to complete my entry.

And so we want to be REAL

We are fakes all this while. Our livelihoods have all been subsidized. Rice, electricity, water, medical, education and fuel. The fake rich, are we really?

Let me see. This house: 3 young kids, 1 amah, and us two. Oh no, this amah is leaving next month; in her place, another helper and a driver coming in.

Three cars; one is mine - a good-brand; 2 of his - 1 high-branded and 1 - generic. Oh, I forgot, we just bought another 1 two days ago, got the number we like (NOT tendered at all), out tomorrow maybe. Not a luxury brand, it's Korean. Safe and spacious for our growing family.

Then we've just told our pool constructor to re-do the plan, "splash pool for the kids, on top of the lap pool." Then the landscaping and the bla bla bla.

Furnitures in the house: one or two da vincis, scan teak woods, pine woods, lorenzos, etc.

Electrical goods: large screen TVs, (non-alcoholic) wine chiller, kitchen items all Kenwoods. PS2, WII, yah, we've got them.

Now you think I'm showing off? Bl**dy 'ell. I'm not. You are missing my point.

You think we're trying to copycat the lives of those hollywoodians? Gosh, you don't know nothing. Crap analysis, you did.

Let me put this to you. At least one. Some of us are into 'VALUE', but you mistaken it for 'LUXURY.' But if it's luxury, why not? Why can't we enjoy them? We've work hard all our lives and a little luxury is alright.

And you say, we should be tight with money. For what? We're not bringing them into our graves. Ahh, for our kids? Come on lah! I thought you are the one who says our kids are spoilt, we should change the new generations' mindset. They should not be spoon fed. ya di yadi yaa.

Yes, we have kept some for the kids' education. We're keeping some for when we become empty-nesters. But that's it. To pass it to their next generation, I'm sorry, the kids have to do that themselves. We both agree. If we had work hard to give them some luxuries today, and perhaps spoilt them along the way. They got to get it in their heads that to keep up living this way, they need to work hard, may be harder than us. We are giving them the education now they require to achieve that in the future. Our parents gave us education only. So, tough.

Sounds selfish? I think a little less selfish and hypocritical than some of you supporting the idea of abrupt petrol price hike. Take away the luxury you get; in-service training schemes, government paid domestic helpers, whatever extra allowances you got, and claiming every little cents when you can claim, I'm sorry you are the FAKE one. You are the true myopic.

Wake up. You think we Bruneians live in LUXURY. Go get a pair of binoculars. Drive along the road, and open your eyes wide. Tell me what you see. So, please lah. Get REAL.

Got to get my facts right

1. Tasek lama is not under the control of Forestry Department. The Department of Environment takes care of Tasek.

2. Our speed last night was not 70km/hr. It was 85km/hr.

We hit and run...

I feel less of a human being last night. I don't know how to lessen my guilt.

Perhaps, I could make a difference. Only if I had followed my heart and not just my logics. I'm embarrassed to talk about it, but I think I should shame myself as a punishment. I deserve it. Or we deserve it.

We went to Supasave Gadong last night to buy groceries, we very hardly do. Not in the evenings. Not there. It's too way out from our Casa de la Armonia. I don't know why we decided to go there. May be it was meant to be. Or may be it was a test.

Heading back via Jangsak, it was all smooth but a pretty busy road at that time. Hubby was driving, and kept to a speed of 70km/hr. A little fast, but not an unusual speed on that road. We kept to the right lane. We were talking at the same time, I don't remember what now. Perhaps discussing on the possible petrol price hike, or just our stagnant economy in general.

Out of a sudden, we saw a cat crossing. We couldn't halt, there was a car behind us. We couldn't swerve to the side, there was a car on the left. Hubby maneuvered to evade the cat. Cat panicked ran straight into the car. ...

We went on, we didn't stop. We didn't attempt to. We panicked. We didn't know what to do. My 3 y.o who saw what happened asked if the cat's dead. We assumed it was. Hubby told her, "that's what happen if you cross a busy road. So, don't ever."

I was speechless. I just hugged my child. But I couldn't help wonder if we should do a u-turn to check on the cat. Is it truly dead? Can we save it? Can we take it to a vet? But would it make a difference?

Yes, it would have. May be not to the cat. May be the cat would die eventually. It was a hard knock. But had we turn back, had we decide to attempt to save the dying cat, we would have given our 3 y.o a great lesson about moral, about compassion, about kindness, about being HUMAN. But we did not.

We were'nt only inhumane but we failed to be good parents last night. We should have shown good example, but we didn't. I can't justify our behaviour.

Dear Cat, I'm truly sorry for us.
Dear Owner, I'm truly sorry for us.
Dear Daughters, I'm truly sorry for us.
Dear Dad and Mum, I'm truly sorry for us.
Dear Friends, I'm truly sorry for us.
Dear People, I'm truly sorry for us.
Dear Prophet, I'm truly sorry for us.

Dear God, I'm truly sorry for us;
Please forgive us, have mercy on us.

"QaddarAllahu wamaa shaa a fa'al"
(Allah has ordained it, and whatever He wills, He does)

And I retract....

I went back to Tasek this morning. Mainly to give my body another challenge. The last hill, they say, is steeper than the 9th hill of Shahbandar. Also to figure what happened last week, I needed to know why and how I got lost.

This time I didn't go alone.

I was astonished to see the flight of stairs going downhill on the right, which took us back to the starting point of the trail. I didn't see it last week. The trail is visible with ropes down on both sides. A small bench 2 metres before the 'turning point' acts as the indicator. The bench is a resting point for those having taken the opposite direction. It is a steep climb, down or up.

I must have subconsciously panicked last week when I lost my 'marker.' In trying to catch up with him, I ran the trail as fast as I could. I have this fear of forest; and when I didn't see anyone in sight, I must have focused my vision on the track and not elsewhere. Between running and 'tunnel visioning', I missed that turning point.

I know the direction now. But having gone through the trail this morning, I wouldn't attempt it alone. It's a beautiful route: rock formations, serene forest and when you reach the bottom it feels like you're walking inside a cocoon but that made out of bamboo. Beautiful scenery. Though, the 'valley' is deep; not advisable for women to go on their own. Unless you are extremely fit, and you surely can outrun a wild boar.

The last uphill did challenge my unfit heart. The work out turned anaerobic, and I had to stop a couple of times. But I thoroughly enjoyed it. I must thank the forestry department, the park authorities, in making this place accessible to us the public. STILL, I would suggest them to put coloured and visible labels for directions.

Selamat Tahun Baru Hijrah 1429

Wishing everyone a happy Maal Hijrah.

In 359 days we'll be celebrating another hijrah. It'd twice in 2008. But there'd be 4 new years in 2008, including the Chinese new year. I don't know of other news years.

Enjoy celebrating them.

THE beehive

I'm linking a very good old friend of mine. Never knew that the Emma blog people talk about is the Emma I know well. I can be that oblivious. I just happened to read hers this morning. It's been a great while since we really sat down together; to have coffee, to party or to just have absolute fun. I can see she still does, at least that GBN 2007. Ofcourse, she's now having more fun with her mimi*.

Aah, the good old days. Emma, I miss you woman!

You take care, love.

* what a coincidence, we call our 6 m.o mimi too.

Lost in the early 2008

Almost 2 weeks, and a day in, of the two new years. Many things happened, nice and weird.

A glorious day for my running shoes after 16 months break

I started running, well, jogging again just before 2008. Initially 1 km, then 2, and now almost 3km. I started climbing again. First hill of Shahbandar, and down. Then, after reading chitty-chatty and the old man's blog, we thought to give Tasek Lama a try. Tasek Lama sounded gentler than Shahbandar to me.

We've been to Tasek on sundays this last three weeks. Hubby has gone uphill for the third time. In the last 2 sundays, I didn't get the chance. The daughter was always with me. This time she over-slept. So I took the opportunity to work extra hard.

Being fitter hubby legged it first, but waited at the top. "Just follow the track, it's a loop and you'll get back here in no time." Not a problem. It looked an easy path, I saw clearings on the opposite hills. The forest didn't look as dense as Shahbandar, wouldn't be scary to go alone I thought.

3 guys behind me, but I let them through after a while. I knew they were much fitter. I overheard one of them has just recently started his bid to lose weight. Ah, just like me. He was my marker. If he's not that fit, he'd not be far out in front. I didn't see anyone behind, so I needed to stay close to him. Not too close, or he'd think I was after him. Uphill we went and he reached the top. I was 10 metres behind. I stopped for a few second to take a breather. I moved on. "Now, where's that guy?" I asked myself. He was no where in sight. Must have been further in front. I ran it, keeping to the track. A little faster, still no one around. Hmm. I must have underestimated his fitness. Nevermind. I'll just keep on moving. I bumped into a family from the opposite direction. I felt a little relieve believing I would be close by to the starting point. Yet perhaps 5 minutes later, I was still nowhere close to that tree with the ladder. So close yet so far away, I began to wonder.

I walked further, but only to realize I was really 'lost'. At one clearing point I saw at the distant the beautiful SOAS mosque was far on my right rather than infront. I started to worry if I had gone off too far out into Subok. But I stayed on the track. If there's a track it'll bring me back to civilisation - helding onto the advice from Man vs Wild. I kept my bearing, I know Bandar Seri Begawan was on my left, should the track finishes. The track took me to a sub-station; I was afraid that will be it. I went around hoping there'd be a road in front. Lucky me, I found human sitting down and resting after a work out.

"Where am I? I came in from Tasek, I'm not in Kota Batu, am I?", I asked with the hope that I would be at least not far off Subok considering the short time I took. "No, you're not. You are in Sheraton. You can go back in and get back to Tasek, or go down hill and Sheraton is on your left hand side." I was so very relieved, I wasn't far after all. Still I needed to contact my husband who could have panicked and called for a search party. That would be embarrassing.

Ran downhill, asking the few people I saw if they had a handphone. None of them had. I went into Terrace Hotel, and saw a local lady infront of the lobby. Told her of my problem and asked to text my hubby for me. She looked weary and must have thought I was out to steal her handphone. Bless her. But she did text. Thank you once again, miss. Then off I ran-and-walked back to Tasek. I must have not been gone for long - no commotion, no search party.

Alhamdulillah.

We've been hearing how people could get lost trail-tracking in the woods. But it never occurred to me that I'd be one of them. We almost got lost in Shahbandar once, despite having been there for the umpteenth times. I guess I didn't learn from that experience. I dared myself with Tasek; the first hill was challenging but the clear path makes it less spooky than the first hill in Shahbandar, which was quieter and sandwiched between a ridge and dense forest. Shahbandar forever looks creepy to me.

I will still go there this sunday. Yes, Tasek. Only when I get fitter, I'd head back to my favourite 9 Shahbandar hills.

I just hope the Forestry Department will put up better signs up there (Shahbandar, Tasek, Berakas, etc) so we all, new and frequent, would know our paths and directions. It's forest, we CAN get confused. On a normal day, it may be easier to find our way out. But the weather is unpredictable these days. If you are lost, and it suddenly rains (heavily), God knows where you'd end up.

I also think that we should have emergency phones to contact the parks' office the least or to an emergency number. Anything can happen. You can get lost; you can sprain your ankle; you can get bitten by bees. Anything. Even Ryan Shay, elite runner, succumbed on a trial marathon run. Anything can just happen.

So, let's be prepared for ANY thing.