Reflection

I'm sitting down in my room, watching out of the window overseeing the beautiful lake in this windy city, sipping my favorite cappuccino with a hint of hazelnut. Been thinking a lot in the last few weeks. About my values, my strengths. My options, too.

She said, "if you find yourself angry over an action, stop for a minute and explore what made you angry. Usually, the action doesn't align with your values." This must be true. I feel of being hypocritical, some actions I took felt insincere or forced. Surely, didn't make me sleep well sometimes.

Have I become inauthentic? How far gone am I? ... off my values. My conscience seems to scream at me every now and then. I know I have high guilt-proneness in my DNA.

Some may say I need to toughen up. Yes, I'm a softy. But those are my values. I respect people, and I am a relator. If they feel pain, I can feel it too. It's not easy for me. I did not taste success all my life. I had my failures. It's these failures that made me what and where I am today.

A close girlfriend said to me, "You are there for a purpose." To make a difference. She is right. I just need to go back a step, may be a few steps to really look what I had become, and where I should truly go.

So, my sweat, my tears, my thoughts, my actions are worthy. Not just for me, my spouse, my kids, my family. But also, those around me and their families. We are all linked, somehow or the other. My failure would be their failures. I owe it to all of us.

Ya Allah, Ih dinassiratal mustaqim. Amin.

We are still a long way....

Wow it's been almost a year since I last entered this blog. Work has been very hectic. I've tried to become a transformational manager, but I guess I'm still tied up being transactional. 24 hours seem to be not enough to complete my tasks. I'm learning to prioritize, but that's the difficult part.

Over the last 5 months or so, lots of things have happened. I got new bigger projects approved earlier of the year, yet to implement. It's embarrassing. It doesn't feel good meeting stakeholders and telling them - oh! it should start soon. Cause you know, it will take some more time. And yes, it's beyond your control. Projects, HUGE projects, we have too many dependencies. How I wish we could streamline the processes. We will continue talk, but hardly we walk the talk. NO, really - it's not that we don't walk the talk, it's just we are Crawling the talk.

I've also made some judgment calls, which may make a few heads turned. Lenient? No, I believe it was justified. For capacity building. For our locals. I'll take accountability if that becomes a precedent. But, I know it won't.

I've also made unpopular calls. I thought necessary. At the end of the day, it's my signature on those dotted lines. The buck will stop at me. I don't want to see my kids embarrassed over silly mistakes that may cause my name to be on the news. Nauzubillah. It was curative action.

The same way, that responsible person was moved. And other dead woods too. It's not an easy decision. But, what's worth keeping dead woods or people who will never support you. Just because you don't belong to their 'community'. They are just excess baggage. No brainer. Get them out. No need to play politics on these people. I know this particular person has been playing his politics outside. Definitely, I am learning from this guy. Irresponsible, lack of sights and full of sh*&. His handover list is yet to be given to me, but hey! I can recall every single tasks he owes me. I wonder how he manage to sleep at night, knowing there are so many assignments he's not accomplished. Nada rasa dusa kah tuu. Di bayar gaji tapi inda membuat keraja atu? Ahh, nevermind.

I've been travelling. Journeys that opened my eyes. I see passion, dedication, commitment, professionalism, excitement, energies and synergies. I also see spite, disgracefulness, envy and disparity. Incredible travels for me.

I've sat with among the smartest people on earth - like the SEALS. Amazed by their brains, physique and energy. Made me small, physically and mentally. But that challenged me to sharpen up and step up. In deed, I got recognition. By them, and others; most importantly by one GURU, and by one of Fortune's successful CEOs. I feel elated, but I shouldn't be complacent. I've still a lot to learn - in fact, too many to learn that to be at par with them, is still a very long way. I feel.

I'm still walking, trying to jog at some point, print at some others. But my road, this path I'm going is still far. Seems endless, and I know I'll come across those crossroads, but I hope I will exercise good judgments.

P.S. All work and no play, makes jane a dull woman. So, I've been playing too. Climb a beautiful mountain, and raft over rough river. Been fun. I need to take more physical challenging games. What's next, what can I do? Still thinking.

Feel our Heritage and be touched by it

Had the opportunity to be in a secluded heritage of ours for a couple of days. For work. But we played hard too. Enjoyed the serene scenery. Beautiful. Peaceful. Acoustic sounds of nature was mesmerizing. River was refreshing. Rapids were fun. Waterfalls were awesome.

The guys got reptile visitors. Females, I guess. One 3-metre in length. I didn't see them. Digital photos were enough for me.

Squirrels, gekko, salamanders, frogs. Ah, countless fauna. You can experience fishes suckling your feet, like in a fish spa, too.

The bugs, ants, mosquitoes, wasps ... enough to amaze me with their size. Never seen an ant so huge. The drumming sound they made in the early morning, captivating.

No, I didn't take much picture. They stay vivid in my memory. Yes, I truly recommend to go see our beautiful tropical rainforest. We stayed in a protected area. For researchers. But please take the opportunity to go to Ulu-Ulu Resort. Or the Brunei Outward Bound, for the more adventurous. You won't regret it.

Feel and be touched by our amazing Nature. MasyaAllah. Allah is Great.