Reflection

I'm sitting down in my room, watching out of the window overseeing the beautiful lake in this windy city, sipping my favorite cappuccino with a hint of hazelnut. Been thinking a lot in the last few weeks. About my values, my strengths. My options, too.

She said, "if you find yourself angry over an action, stop for a minute and explore what made you angry. Usually, the action doesn't align with your values." This must be true. I feel of being hypocritical, some actions I took felt insincere or forced. Surely, didn't make me sleep well sometimes.

Have I become inauthentic? How far gone am I? ... off my values. My conscience seems to scream at me every now and then. I know I have high guilt-proneness in my DNA.

Some may say I need to toughen up. Yes, I'm a softy. But those are my values. I respect people, and I am a relator. If they feel pain, I can feel it too. It's not easy for me. I did not taste success all my life. I had my failures. It's these failures that made me what and where I am today.

A close girlfriend said to me, "You are there for a purpose." To make a difference. She is right. I just need to go back a step, may be a few steps to really look what I had become, and where I should truly go.

So, my sweat, my tears, my thoughts, my actions are worthy. Not just for me, my spouse, my kids, my family. But also, those around me and their families. We are all linked, somehow or the other. My failure would be their failures. I owe it to all of us.

Ya Allah, Ih dinassiratal mustaqim. Amin.