It's not easy...

But who says it won't be difficult? I must have lived in fantasy world when I first thought things will all be plain sailing. No storms, no rough tides...

Haha... I must have been kidding myself. Nevermind. We all learnt from what crosses our life path. This is why I kept coming back to my theme song (You Gotta be - Desree) when I was an undergraduate. God knows where I kept my CD singles. I've a big collection of them then. I got to look for them. Stashed somewhere. At least Youtube's around to play this all time favourite of mine. Dedicated to you all, feeling the way I feel. We just have to be strong and tough.





Well, it's been a month since I last posted. I didn't even post anything worth reading in the last few months. I'm just not thinking... I'm unsure whether it's plain boredom or just out of ideas. The first is more likely. There are many to talk about, but to pen them or rather key them in here is something that requires time. I just don't have that recently. Bogged down with jobs. Even I can't finish my tasks at work, let alone trying to play around here.

Yup, I'm pretty much behind schedule with my usual project. Plenty of things to be done. I've hands to help, but this is really busy time of the year, everyone is trying to finish their own projects. Asking for help, ofcourse doesn't mean I'm incapable, just that it makes me feel guilty. Cause some people can't say no to you, when they are not sincere to help. So, I let myself handle those tasks alone. I'll get them done soon, I hope. They need to be, anyway.

I was PO-ed with a colleague the other day (been sometime, just before raya actually). Sometime early august she was avoiding me whenever i asked her when we should begin 'our' project. After a while, she diplomatically said she's passed me to do some administrative tasks only - and that should be sometime next year. That was not part of the plan. So basically, she has 'politely' taken me off THE project team. I was annoyed, but somewhat accepted that. It wasn't the end of the world.

But then suddenly just before raya when pressed by 'her' client, she came smiling and oh!so friendly. Asking me to produce a proposal for the project URGENTLY. Too bad for her - I've not bothered at all doing the proposal till now. As far as I'm concern, I am not in her 'team'.

I bumped into her yesterday, and she looked PO-ed with me. Do I care? No. Well, what can I say... Life's a bitch. If you can't beat them, join them.

(God forgives me...)

Maaf Zahir Batin

Wishing everyone a wonderful Eidul Fitri 1429. May Allah Bless Us All.

Best wishes,
Winx

Selling Apples

19 apple macbooks sold between $100-$400 ain't that much but tells us of a desperate criminal. Equivalent to a profit between $1900-$7600. Too little, to waste court's time, police and investigation time, school's administration time, and his time of 19 months in jail. Ofcourse, these had to be done. Crime needs to be stopped. I can sense emotions and anger in his victims, $400 max is a lot to each of them having their purchase confiscated (and perhaps returned to the School after a while). It's not just the time crime costed, but efforts, emotions and funds involved. Obviously, that equated to more than the $7,600 profit he 'made.'

Didn't think he'd get caught. Penetrated a crime in a school known to have some disciplinary issues with students. Who would have taught a teacher would do it, students would have been the culprits. But like they say "sepandai-pandai tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua." I wonder what he's thinking now. I wonder how he rationalized and justified his behaviour.

Lost his teachership and trust. Lost his job at such a young age. Does he have a family - a wife and kids? Wonder how they cope with the embarassment. He is supposed to be a model. He is a teacher. But he detriment the image of the profession.

Is this another case of easy money? What on earth is happening to our morality. Are we becoming a materialistic and money-oriented society? What's wrong with us? Why do we succumb to all these pressures? Is life that hard that being deviant is the chosen action? I'm sitting down thinking how we could correct our unethical minds ...

Another level

Now, we have a Bruneian caught in Chile for drug smuggling. That's taken us to another level.

It's no longer okay for us to think that the number of drug-users and drug-traficker are relatively small in comparison to the population (based on stats from NCB). We have to take urgent precaution. We ALL have to take actions, not just NCB.

It's 15 packets of coke. 5.73kg - that's more than the biggest bag of Breeze (or washing powder) available in the supermarket. That's not a tiny amount to play with. That's enough to penetrate more than a whole secondary school to go bonkers. Scary. Sickening. Silly.

Thank God he's caught. It's a shame. It's even a shame if he is anak melayu (stats indicate there are more malays involve in drug-usage, I'm not sure with drug-traficking).

I do wonder the profile of this kid. Is he employed? Is he (highly) educated? What is his background. How did he all started? I'm sure NCB is working on this.

I wish to congratulate those concern for managing to catch this guy. I wonder what's his punishment. He sure is making history, but not in a good way.

let's all say no to drug -usage, and traficking!

Moving on

I contemplated on what I written in the last post. Have I just jeopardised my chances of promotions? Perhaps. Would I even be considered for my 'appeal'? Not very likely.

So I thought... should I remove it? My mind says if I was to save my career, I should.

Well, I want to save my career. My livelihood depends on it. But if I remove my post, I'd be one of those who shrink under pressure. I don't want to be one of them. The truth must be out. If we were ever to move on and develop. The way I see it, we should be able to accept crititism. I stand by it, no matter how much it hurts. It's what make us stronger.

Some would argue, don't just talk about the issues and problems, we got to solve them. Contribute with solutions, then they'd be progressive, positive and constructive.

So here I am with a solution to my problem. I would be writing it to them, who ever is concern and authoritative. I know where the problem lies, but penalising, discouraging and stopping me (with no hard facts, and black and white) from finishing what I need to get done would not solve anything. Would also be a waste of everyone's resources, time and effort in the long run. I'm no longer asking for answers to the why not. I am appealing to them to give me what I need. Not without condition. If I come out successful with the project on the proposed timeline, don't penalise me. Otherwise, I'm willing to pay back every cents spent on my proposal.

It's risky and drastic. Give us (not just me) that chance, and we'll put our very best. There is no reason why we should fail to deliver. History taught us well. We may sound selfish, but the success and product of our projects will permeate nationwide. It would be of everyone's good, and not just us - ourselves. Let's have an open mind.

It takes GUTTS to fight on

The last few weeks have been interesting. I got to open my eyes. I found out and figured the fakes and the genuines. Like branded leather bags, the fakes lose their softness after a while. Ofcourse some, are totally stiff from the start. You just have to learn to distinct between the fakes, replica, inaunthentics with genuine and real ones. They are usually not difficult if you learn to master the detection process. So yes, I got to know who my true and good friends are, and who revolves around me to make my (career) life hell. It's okay. Rezeki di tangan Tuhan, and God knows the truth.

To be honest, when it comes to career now, it's a laugh. The performance appraisal is out, and I'm yet to fill them in. My plans for development, ... let me see... It's sickening really. Do they even bother to read? Or there are just too many of us. That's not a good excuse. Indeed, it's a competitive world, to be listened to or to be even reviewed. I'm all for competition, but let's be healthy. And why compete, when we can ally. Unfortunately, synergy is not essential in backstabing organization.

Sometimes, you put your best. Oh yes, I think I've contributed a lot in the last one year (forget the last few years), but do they care? I do wonder. It's frustrating to see that some people (with titles) who just knows how to delegate and not even 'turun padang' get promoted or seen as fascinating and high calibred. And some of them, are 'si-tau' yet if you asked them deep, they don't know sh*t. Whilst, some of us, who put our hearts into it, even do the dirty jobs, never question how much money we've put in to make some tasks successful (as if we can ever get budgets for these), be creative, and so forth, don't get the support you asked for. Some of us don't get promoted. We don't even understand on what grounds some people got theirs. On a case by case basis? Do they even understand the meaning of that? Then they asked you not to give up. They are simply talking bulls. Either playing dumb or really stu**d. Not forgetting - myopic in thoughts and perspectives. Sad that people with responsibilities donot put their BEST-est to develop us to the fullest. Unfortunately some of us don't know how to lick *ss, well, it's not our principle; and some of us are too honest, but honesty doesn't pay.

I'm angry. Yes. For me and for others in similar situations. Ah, so much for Tunas Bangsa. But there's a new boss in town. Hope is there. Amin. As what I've seen him, he's mad (in a good way), enthusiastic, tough, solution-oriented, network-minded, and I believe strategical. Not to say the former wasn't. It takes gutts to steer, drive and produce changes. I think he has that. I'm giving my utmost support. I'm ready to embrace changes. No matter how drastic it will be. If it's all for genuine intentions.

Another P... positive

Well, I had planned to run the 21k this sunday. Only that I won't be. I'd just be sitting down, and absorbing the atmosphere, waiting for the soul-mate to finish his run in 2 hours. I wanted to do the 5, but I learnt there were less than 20 when I wanted to register, and they sounded young and brutal. As much it would have been a fun run, I didn't want to finish too far behind from the rest. I need to have a steady heart rate, if I join. It's not a good idea anyway. I'll feel pressured not to run faster. I might over heat, so nevermind, there'll be a next time. A bit frustrating that I missed the last Brunei marathon, and this one now. It's okay.

Yes, I've lost weight from going back to running and weight training - 6 kilos to be exact. I needed another 5k to go back to pre-marital size. It's been difficult, but was determined.

I am still determined, but I've been reminded not to go on a diet at the moment. In fact, my running has stopped. My exercising faltered slightly. I still dance every so often, and do a bit of weights. I have the tendency to go rigorous, causing my heart to beat faster (than it should). I must not go a maximum of 70% mhr. But most times, it did. This tires me easily. In fact, I get exhausted so easily these days, from doing nothing.

Anyway, am little frustrated that I've not reached my target weight yet. It'll not be until end of the first quarter next year I'd re-start my weight-loss programme. This wasn't planned. Not at all. I was not ready, not another 3 years. But like I said God works in mysterious way. He took away one good thing, and replace with something more beautiful, InsyaAllah.

Hah... Bali has done its effects.

Alhamdulillah :)