Injustice to Brunei ladies

A 'Brunei woman' doll sold at The Mall

Creativity is one thing, and I absolutely love the idea of selling dolls of Brunei women for souvenirs. But then, let's give justice to the average us, Bruneian lasses. We don't really look like that, right? Let tourists be reminded of a little beauty lah. Blonde hair some more, haha. I was blonde once, but to represent us like this is a little skewed. I can appreciate the songket, but don't over do it. We do have some dress sense. Be fair lah sikit, we don't want people to go home and think of us as one of The Muppets.

Just remember, you want to sell Brunei, do a little marketing. Beauty sells. Even if it exaggerates slightly, why not? At least we can stick to being the Kingdom of Unexpected Treasure as in unexpected beauty. Plus, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe on average, we do have a lot of pretty women.

Struggling to respond

We've been down for over a week now. We asked some of our clients who didn't give us their e-mails to contact us electronically. As they were, the system broke down. I've tried e-mailing myself in the hope it'll bounce back. Nope, nothing. Meaning our clients wouldn't know if we never get their e-mails. So much for TPOR. Time for plan B. Problem with plan B, too slow. Hopefully, whenever they manage to solve this, we can retrieve the e-mails sent. Responding to these accumulating e-mails will be another issue (hopefully not in their hundreds, like hubby receives daily!). Better late then never, right? May not please the customers.

(pic source: www.ondisruption.com)

Road rage, and my anger

It's school holidays. Great! No traffic jams. Parents leave later to work. I can never get holidays when the kids are. My deputy booked the holiday earlier, and I don't have anybody to 'jaga our kadai'. I do get to go to work late. Sorry Boss! Confession, confession, confession: I do feel really bad and guilty about it. But there's only so many hours in a day. I try make up with lots of thinking at home. No, I just don't stop thinking, one of those Type A people. Hah.

It's funny when we talk about thinking. Sometimes you get really angry. We can't help emotions sometimes. I must admit I've not been truly positive about a lot of things. We have to have reality check sometimes, right? When things don't go right or the way we want it to be, we do have our moments. But we learn from those negativities. We should.

I went to Miri just last weekend. To finish off my leave. It was an impromptu thing. The last time I went there was March 2006, for work. My, they have a flyover already in the middle of the city. Just over one year and things are developing. Ticked my nerves. Why can't we do the same? We've expanded our road in Gadong, but still a cross-road, with traffic lights. What's wrong with a little advancement. Our car population is increasing, why can't we anticipate for something way ahead, and stop traffic jam before it even begins? I just don't get it. I'm not a planner, not an engineer, but I think it can be done. Not easy, yes. But it can be done. I remember doing a group project in US-time on Brunei road transport system (and yes we got to go to Bangkok for that!), it was amazing that between the 50s and late 80s, we were doing a lot of improvement on our road network. I'm not saying after that we haven't. We have, we've seen them, but just not too visible enough for many of us to signify, "we're where we should be". I don't know, really. Maybe I'm wrong. I know there are lots of upgrading on rural roads, and border road systems. But the main ones, like the highways are still frustrating. Or in between highways and by-passes. What's more frustrating are those highways with U-turns.

Why do we have U-turns on highways? Why can't we have alternatives like overbridges, underbridges, accommodation bridges, underpasses or whatever road-planners and engineers call it. These are costly, and go beyond budget? What about the cost of people's lives (and the cost to their families and friends and whatsoever cost can be linked to e.g productivity cost of that person should they stay alive longer, or stay uninjured), aren't these costs counted in when calculating for the 'safest and efficient road.' Then we say these people who lost their lives are of their own fault. They don't adhere to road rules and regulations. Well, how many percent of all traffic accidents are purely the fault of the road users, and not aggravated by the conditions of our road? Even road rage can be attributed from frustration being on the road, and not entirely a character thing.

but lucky we don't have these MAGIC roundabouts

Then you got those weird roundabouts with extra side-exits (slip-lanes?). How the he*l do we use them? I don't bl**dy understand these ones, e.g. the ones in Beribi - right infront of Sumbangsih Mulia. Cause I never come across them before. I've been on multiple roundabouts (UK), but with the same principle as the sole roundabout (with 3, 4 or 5 exits). I've never driven in the States, if ours follow the same system. They said the roundabouts in the States are so confusing. Little wonder.

I mean which lane should you be in when you want to go straight or the third exit. Seems like everyone is using outer lane to go to the 2nd exit. This sound logical as we have the extra side exit to get onto the first exit. But how do you evade from being rammed by other road users from the 2nd and 3rd exits wanting to go to your 1st and 2nd exits? I don't get it. Plus many are still using the outer lane not just to go to the 2nd, but also the 3rd exit. Now whichever method you use, you're bound for surprises coming from your left. You truly need to slow down, even attempt to brake, which may cause the car behind you kissing your car's b*tt. Now who's bl**dy fault is that? The user for ignorance or the road-planner for creating too fancy a roundabout with no clear directions. And what is so incredibly funny is when you get to see driving instructors teaching newbies these roundabouts the wrong way.

Can planners now create a signage of which lane we should take to avoid us getting highly emotional on the road. I mean it's fine if it's just a honk, but when you get the fore-finger gesture and you see the other driver swearing at you, it doesn't feel nice at all. Especially when you think you are right. But, you think again, they might be right, too. Importantly, to avoid us from not just being emotional, but spending our hard-earned salary (either cash/credit) at the workshop. You're lucky if you are not at fault. Who acknowledges its their fault anyway, when you can't figure who's right and who's wrong!

Irrespective of the slip-lanes, I use the normal principle of the roundabout: outer lane for the nearest and second exit, and inner lane for second (inner), third (inner) and u-turn (or back to my exiting road). I made sure I indicate well (i.e. not too early, i.e. just before the exit I want to take). But again, I'm following the British highway code. I could be incredibly wrong, while thinking I'm right all these time. So, my requests:

1. road-planner (MOD), please put up some label 250 metres before the roundabout for the correct lanes to take and directions. Labeling them on the road isn't good enough (e.g. the mega-roundabout infront of Jame). Either have it way in advance or above the road.
   
2. Land Transport Department with Printing Department, perhaps can produce and publish a book/phamplet on Brunei highway code, so we can read it at our own time. Sell it a considerable cost (I can't recall how much it cost me, the British highway code; very minimal GBP2 the most)

I don't know how much these costs to the government, but I think it'll be worth it. We are all trying to save here. Save money and lives. But lives are our priority, right?

BALI-bur

Now this is another quick log.

Me surfing on tiny waves and
so UNcool wearing a helmet! Damn!

Bali was great last week. I learnt to surf. Manage to stand up (ofcourse with a beginner surfboard). I've the photos to prove them (dare I put them in here? Maybe not. Not with my face identified, just in facebook perhaps). Didn't matter, it was fun, and I got addicted to learning to surf. I have every intention to purchase a surf board and to go back to Bali for another surfing holiday. I will. I wish we've the waves for this. I could get a hang of this game.

Kuta Beach

Kuta was happening - we stayed for 5 nights there. Didn't dare go clubbing, haha. The bombsite was enough to dampen the spirit to boogie all night. But, we did see Cokelat at Hard Rock. Awesome. But Digital Band got me appreciating TRASH metal for once. The bass and lead, the drum roll were incredible. I was ready to purchase their CDs, but ofcourse at 60,000 RPH for a CD at the retail got me thinking of home, and pirate CD copies at Kadai Komunis. Should I buy or should I not? Ethics aside, at almost $10 it is a bit steep. I'm one of those who try get things for free if possible. Typical Bruneians? Not really. Regardless the nationality, we all seek for the cheapest deal. I've friends from England who'd take every opportunity to buy pirate CDs/VCDs/DVDs when they are in Asia. Who would not. Why should we feel guilty? For they make millions of dollars/pounds already. Maybe not the newcomers, but who knows about these newcomers anyway? Who watch them? We usually buy those with established names, and they are the one with the millions. So no harm done, really. Ofcourse, we make the pirate operators happy. Well, I'm happy, too. So what difference does it make. Well, plenty of difference, actually. If we think about it. I'm not going to talk about that now. I don't intend to make this log a guilt-making session. Cause I am on leave. I am FREE. I should try be free in all aspect, including guilt-FREE.

Tepi Sawah Villa and Spa

Anyway. We stayed in Ubud, the first 3 nights. Lovely place. Tranquil. Perfect for a romantic getaway. Haha. If you take that opportunity any way. Not to say we didn't ;) Stayed at Tepi Sawah Villa and Spa. Our room (Batuan Villa - cheapest of all) has a beautiful view of the sawah padi. Highly recommended, except its breakfast was pretty monotonous. The same thing almost everyday. But whatever it is, the place is awesome.

Gunung Batur

On our way back to Kuta, spent a whole day out touring. Enjoyed a morning Barung Dance by Batu Bulan villagers. Late lunch on Kintamani by Batur Volcano (lunch wasn't great, but view was amazing). Visited an 11th Century Hindu temple - Goa Gajah and Bali's holy spring - the Tirta Empul. (Damn, can't put a lot of pics here due to identifiable features. Sorry!)

Sunset at Jimbaran

They say don't leave a romantic getaway without a sunset dinner at Jimbaran. Beautiful seafood and tropical juices they claimed (a whole load of crap! If I want proper seafood, I'd still say Dragon Seafood Restaurant on Jln Baram in Miri just 15 minutes away from Marriot is the best. Unless you are in Bangkok). We did head to Jimbaran on our final night. The sunset is awesome. But they don't set on the horizon (neither the sunset at Kuta). I'd say Jerudong sunset is as beautiful or even better (so stay at The Empire Hotel main building if you are looking for a gorgeous sundown).

Bali was great, and I'd go there again. For the various 'S' holiday: Sun, Sea, Sand, Surf, and whatever S you like to include in there. RBA doesn't fly there anymore, so Air Asia is our next bet. Oops. I got to go. I've to run to our beautiful resort, the one with the gorgeous view of Punyit Isle. I hope it'll be fun. I'm not committed to talk, cause I'm on leave. It's enough to observe. Listening is what I do best, these days.

Dedicated to the man I love

Dear Baby,
It was 5 years ago when you came into my life. It's this weekend that we first talked to each other. It's next month you came to see me, proposed to me, and a month later, we got engaged. 2 months after we got married. We have had a gorgeous life together so far. Beautiful over 4 years marriage memories, cute kids, nice house, supportive families. I couldn't ask for anything else. I shouldn't. And, I would want to keep it that way forever and ever.

I dedicated to you this song when I was thousands of miles away from you then. It inspired you to create your proposal avatar; "Just a little project I worked on last evening whilst listening to Shakira's "Moscas En La Casa" .. Mis dias sin ti (Flies In the House .. Days without you)." Although, Mariah Carey's and Busta Rhymes "I know what you want" had been our theme song, and we did go to her concert during our honeymoon, and yes, we had our second child named after her (not our first, hahaha), it has always been Shakira's mis dias sin ti that reflects my heart when I am away from you. I believe the same with you.

Now that we've known each other for 5 years, these songs remain close to my heart. I look forward to forever-ness. Amin. One thing for sure, 'mis dias sin ti' is difficult, and I can't imagine being without you. I don't want to be without you. I want to spend the rest of your life with me and our kids. Just us.

Baby,
If I ever showed disinterest, I never meant to.
If I looked swayed, that's not true.
For in my heart, there's only you.
I sincerely and honestly love you. Only you.



Your wifey,
winx

P.S. Thank you for the beautiful winx.







Finally, the translation that you wanted all this while.


My days without you are so dark,
so long, so gray,
my days without you are so absurd,
so bitter, so tough,
my days without you,
My days without you don't have nights,
if someone appears,
it's useless to sleep,
my days without you are an excess,
the hours don't have a beginning, or end

so short of air,
so filled with nothing,
useless junk,
trash on the floor,
flies in the house

my days without you are like a sky,
without silvery moons,
nor traces of the sun,
my days without you are only an echo,
that always repeats,
the same song

so short of air,
so filled with nothing,
useless junk,
trash on the floor,
flies in the house

stumble on the rocks,
still i keep waiting that you'll return to me,
still i keep looking in the faces of the old,
bits of a child,
hunting reasons that make me believe,
that still i meet with life,
biting my fingernails,
drowning in my tears,
missing you so much,

my days without,
oh how they hurt, my days without you

Ya Allah
Kau peliharakanlah dan teguhkanlah ikatan kasih sayang kami berdua
Jangan kau putuskan rezeki kami;
(cinta kami, anak-anak kami, kesihatan kami, dan harta-benda kami)
Kau murahkan lagi rezeki-rezeki ini kepada kami;
Berikan kami masa selamanya untuk menyayangi sesama kami;
berikan kami kesempatan untuk memelihara, menyayangi, membesarkan anak-anak kami bersama,
agar mereka menjadi anak-anak soleh, beriman, dan berjaya;
kuatkan keimanan kami dengan cubaan-cubaan mu;
bukakan hati kami kepada jalan yang lurus;
tutupkan hati kami kepada yang buruk, yang boleh menghancurkan kasih-sayang dan rezeki-rezeki kami.
Ya Allah,
hanya Engkau tempat ku meminta
Engkau Maha Tinggi, Maha Kaya, Maha Kuasa.
Wa Sal Allahu Ala Sayidina Muhammaddin, Wa Ala Alihi, Wa Sahbihi Wa Sallam
Walhamdulillah hir-rabil Al-Amin

On a positive note

I must have exaggerated. I was having a difficult time in the last month, but, I have to say a lot of my time was involved with quite a few projects, hence the inability to update my blog, or read other people's blogs. Professionally, I have to say Alhamdulillah, berezeki.

The usual project I handled is now in its middle stage. Things had fall in the right places, and I'm grateful to my team. Particularly my secretary. He has been resourceful - young and energetic. Haven't said no to me yet, or perhaps too afraid to say no. Haha. He is like my PA; constantly reminding me of meetings and things I should be doing, more like my talking management diary. He'd even text me in the morning to remind me I should be in the office at a certain time. He's good. I'd highly recommend him. He works hard. I know the other members bully him, cause he thinks he can handle all. He tries hard to show them he can. I appreciate that. I'd like to see him delegate the tasks I assign to the other members himself, rather than me. But he's not have the gutts yet. I think he'll get it in a few years. He just need confidence and assertiveness.

Another member; she's pretty, cute, sweet and manja. She's fun as well. Actually, she's our secret weapon. We know she has the charm; no one has turn her down yet. No one. She's getting married in August. I wish her well. He must be the luckiest man on earth.

Then there's the other go-getter. She's smart, I like her brain, I like her confidence, I like her know-it-all attitude. She's got some ego, and I think she will do well in her career. She listens, that's important, even if she has a strong view over a topic.

There's also the handsome boy. We all like his carefree attitude. He's smart. He's fun. The girls are playful with him. I like to see that. Nothing kinky.

Another young member, she's the gym-goer. Like every lunch time, she is thinking of working out. She is planning to marry too. So I guess, trying to look extra good on the wedding day. I wish her well.

My deputy, he's a busy man. I think he feels a little left out. He was always my wing man, but now my new secretary is doing his job too well. I feel guilty at times, when I forgot to cc him e-mails or update him on the latest. As if he doesn't exist. But I do, every now and then. But he's my backbone, no matter what. He's there when I needed an extra brain to think.

My other deputy, he must really feel left out, or he is happier where he is. My other two members are too engaged with their personal matters, and I tolerate that. I have to understand that some people may not be available when things are rough for them on that front. Cause, I know how difficult it is to focus when personal circumstances get in the way.

I'm happy with my team. This team.

My other projects involve me working with various other people. One particular project is just done. I'm not really sure if it's totally complete, at least my part was done. That was not easy. Lack of planning. But we had our exit strategies. Haha. The few of us who weren't happy with how it was handled. I think many weren't happy. But what to do, it has to be done. It could have been done better. Only if there weren't any personal agenda. Let's stop there.

Another project is at its very initial stage. I'm a professional, I work with anybody. Not to say I'm not cautious with people's agenda. I like transparency, I like honesty. I don't like back-stabbing. I don't like to be used as an instrument. So, yes, it has stayed at the very initial stage. I've laid down my conditions, to move forward. If she ignores all these, tough. I will not be in the project team, even if I know I'm a necessity. And yes, it involves remuneration. It's a mega project, I may be at lost. I want this project. But, rezeki halal is ultimate.

I've just been invited to another project. I am very keen on this one. But it will be tough. The meeting is to be held next week I believe. It's not a big team, but I'm to work with a partner. A partner that's tough to work with. She's good with communication skill, but I know this assignment is not her expertise. And, she has a reputation for slow delivery. She must have her reasons. Team effort, that will be a big question. It'll be a 'me' project somehow. I guess I have to be ready for that. I'm just taking this positively. I really want to work on this project, for professional development.

There is another project I've been invited. Meetings went well. It is nice number team. I'm in only for a few hours. Early June. Very interesting. I like this project. Easy. I've not made my preparation yet. Next week, I've to focus on this. It'll be good and fun.

My final on-going project. Has taken me down and up to Belait. It's the toughest of all. Outcomes can only be measured afterwards. It takes a lot of time and effort. Driving to Belait is tiring, but remuneration is GREAT, if I can stay deliverable. My only concern is... haha.. the driving to and fro. Our road network is appalling, especially from Telisai Satelite Station onto Seria by-pass. I can understand how commuters feel now. Lucky I don't need to be in during the rush hours. If I do, my stress level could go up I guess. I'm also embarrassed for us. At my age, I'm driving on the same tiny road that my dad drove us to KB when we were little. It's not in it's best condition anyway, so little wonder we hear every other day there are accidents. Imagine how many working hour is lost because of our roads. Come on road engineers, planners and MoD, please do something about this. I'm sure that there's a way to expand our road network, and make commuting/driving to Belait a safe, easy and less-stress one.

Life goes on

It's been almost a month since I last enter. I didn't even read this blog, or other blogs. A lot happened. A lot lot lot. Made me think. Twice, thrice, endlessly. It's totally personal. About me, my feelings, my actions or in-actions. Pursue or not pursue. Move on or stay in the past. Fuzzy is the word to describe my brain... then. Until I learnt a few days ago on the word 'NOW.' I must admit, it's not easy capitalizing on this powerful THREE letter word. At the same time, I have had relapses in between the last 48 hours, but I'm putting faith onto NOW.

Along the way, I'm meeting others - a lot lot of others, perhaps in my situation, perhaps worst, perhaps not. Various words and theories are put forth to describe all these. Temptation as one, faith as another, trust add ons, bother-less also on the list... emotional was even subscribed. Interesting. Questions of why, why not, when, what if, where, and ... are thrown around. Strategies planned. Withdraw or charged. Take charge or surrender.

Only God knows how strong I will be.

P.S. To those I have (unintentionally) hurt (before)... I am so sorry. I never meant to. Sometimes, things happened. Forgive me once again. If only I knew all the answers, it'll make it easier. But I am only human. Let's move on. Cause life goes on, and I am still breathing.