Bored...

Well, when you are used to being out and about, it's kinda get to you when stuck at home. I know, it's time to relax and rest. I'm doing just that. Well, kind of. Baby's routine change. Unpredicatable. It's funny, but can be tiring. I'm trying to adjust.

He's sleeping at the moment. I know I should check on my work e-mails. I'm not in the mood. So, here I am blogging, and Youtubing Enrique. Uhuh. He's hot. As ever. He can sing 'hero' to me any time. Well, he's second to my Vin Diesel. Someone I'm looking forward to drool on this next few weeks. I may be confined, but hell no, I'm definitely watching Fast and Furious when it comes out.

So, us girls; do we think about other guys when we are married already? I don't know about others, but to me a DEFINITE NO, I'd say. Yeh, Enrique and Vin Diesel are just fantasies. Not that kind of fantasies (WELL, Ciara is so lucky in the video. Olala).



Other men or boys aside my husband don't tick me anymore. I don't think they ever will. Anymore. Come on, I had my time. I got married late, and yes, I enjoyed my single life. Do I miss single life? ...

I miss my friends, friends I had during my single life. They are not here. I miss going out having fun with them, and especially dancing salsa. I used to do a lot of salsa during my single life. No, that doesn't mean I miss my single life.

I'm thankful I've beautiful kids who need me right now. Thank God.

Okay, I'm off - just killing my boredom.

Re-Freshed

Ah... isn't it wonderful. Baby's out. Yup, been just over 2 weeks now. Thank God. Baby's adorable (don't we all say that!). I'm feeling alright. I feel pretty healthy, thanks to the traditional postnatal treatment, which of course is costing me a bomb! It's like 1/4th my salary. Ah, they don't need education to dig deep into our pockets, just pure experience and great word of mouths. Are us women becoming victims of 'beauty and well-being'? Maybe. Well, the things we women do in the hope that our husband will notice the differences. Well, I don't know if husbands ever notice. I pray to God so. Anyway, my husband has been a great guy. ...I always wonder how men feel when observing us in labour. Any thoughts?

While I'm talking about labour, I must say I'm grateful to the midewife who attended me, as well as the nurses at Ward 18; First Stage and Labour Room. The Doctors were great too. My experiences at RIPAS with all 3 babies have been good. I don't have anything to complain, but admiration of the service. Well, except for the food. Supposedly catered by RBC??? Oh! Another thing. I didn't get my own room this time. Even after several requests, and early bookings. I don't know what happened this time. With my first baby, I got one of the Bungas. Then they were refurbished when I had my second baby. I thought I'd be able to get in this time. Not in luck. The odd thing was when I requested for it, the nurse kept emphasising the deposit is high, and the rate per night. We wouldn't have asked if we weren't prepared for it. I think what they didn't quite understand is why we should be spending so much to stay just for a few nights. Well, what they don't know is when you just gave birth, you want some company. It feels being cared for (with hubby being there next to you); it feels comfortable when you are in pain to go to your own toilet; and it feels easy when someone is there with you especailly if you have to leave your baby alone when you need to go to the toilet. Okay, it is a little of a luxury, but why not. After huffing and puffing; and with pain in your **se (literally speaking), you just want to be somewhere 'close' to home environment. ***Sigh*** Well, I'm planning to have a long break. So, my rant is on behalf of others having similar desire to mine.

Anyhow... what have I been doing since my leave? I mean aside from baby-bonding. The odd checks on my work e-mails. Uhuh. Can't rid me of work. Though, I must say I feel a little bad when I 'interfered', as if I don't trust my deputy and the team. To be honest, I just don't know if I'm meant to be away from work anyway. With the amount of projects before the fiscal year ends, and high expectations from everyone, it feels important to stay up-to-date with what's going around. I've also been feeling a bit guilty. I had one project which I didn't quite complete, and had to leave it to the team. They are still doing it. It should have been submitted sometime ago. I'm not blaming them, I feel responsible cause it was my project. I was entrusted with it. I feel bad that it got delayed. I feel bad whenever I asked my team how it's going. Cause I should be the person responsible and then expecting them to complete for me seems unfair and irresponsible. Well, I shouldn't and I should be putting my trust on my team to handle it without me 'instructing ' them on all angles of the project. They would know how. They should. In fact they are more experience than me in this area. I just came into this field recently. Plus, we're supposed to create leaders within them. Gosh, am I justifying my guilt?

Basically, I'm enjoying motherhood right now, bonding with my baby. But I must say it's not easy trying to juggle my time with my other kids, the husband and work e-mails. Breastfeeding is as usual a demanding task. 3 babies and that's how I felt all this while. Particularly in the first 2 weeks, where the baby is adjusting; and so was I. It has been incredible though with this baby. I felt a lot better and breastmilk is flowing well. Maybe because I got a boy, something that I've been looking forward to. Yup, we had girls all the way. This tiny boy also loves feeding, and perhaps his constant need for feeding helps the flow. He's also a kewl dude. He sleeps a lot too. I'm pretty relaxed, I can say. Alhamdulillah.

The only thing boring is staying indoors, at home. While everyone else is enjoying their other chores, like shopping and eating out. Talk about eating out, I'm going to miss that. I have put on a lot. Well, I put on a lot with my previous pregnancy, and I didn't quite lost it when I got pregnant again. Well, actually I lost a lot during my previous pregnancy, but put on postnatal. Then as I was losing, I got pregnant. I didn't put much on till the last few weeks. I was crazy over sugary food. I caved in, just couldn't handle it. So now, I'm very overweight. I checked this morning, I got 2 stones and a half to kill in the next 6 months. It will be tough. But I hope I can lose it. I've been inspired after watching "The biggest loser." Almost daily. But I can't diet yet, nor can I start my workouts till 5th week. Even when I start my exercise regime, I shouldn't be dieting. Well, if anything the idea is to get back my fitness level.

I have a NEW GOAL from now onwards. I want this break to ReFRESH me; so I will feel GREAT. Ultimately, I want to be HAPPY. Yes, my goal is to be HAPPY. I can go back to why I started this blog. To be positive, to fly high like the butterfly :)

(image source: www.bradfitzpatrick.com)

New Year New Beginning...

NOT...

I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just being real. That's me.

Let's say, the new year has been very very very challenging. The 'attack' comes from all side, and I'm trying to stay as cool, calm and collected as I can.

It's nerve-wrecking. Nope, not just the pressure to be my best, and to deliver; but not knowing where I'm heading.

Ah.. directions. Some are guided, and I believe very much it's hand-able (is there such a word?). But there's one particular direction that I'm still unsure of. It's on a different cycle. It's even worst. It is driving me nutts, pushing me almost to extreme insanity - but I'm still breathing, and seriously calm(-looking). I guess I have to. This gutt inside of me says hold on. How long for more, I'm uncertain. I'm just afraid that when I can't any longer, the erruption is enormous. As bad as that of Pompei.

Then again, a wheel rolls. I'm staying grounded, I don't know what will ever happen. Like I said, these smiles can be fake many times. And too much jitters, no one can see. I'm forever scared.

Does it matter? Do they care? I really don't know. I know I want to know.

Aaah. new year, but no ending? I pray it will. Very soon. Cause I don't want to keep hoping. God says be patient, stay patient. I can keep on praying, but if I'm not trying and as passive as now, did it mean I have tried my best?

God, pls give me guidance, for I need it now more than ever. But I'm thankful for the rezeki God's given.

Soulsearching

It's almost end of the year. So, I'm wishing all the best wishes to everyone:

Have a joyful Christmas to those celebrating.

A prosperous and harmonious new Hijrah 1430 to Muslims all over.

A brilliant New Year 2010 to everyone.


I'd like to thank those who had supported me all this while.

But for a temporary time, I will be gone from blogging. I need time to re-charge my life, my thoughts, my views, my vision. Call it re-strategizing and re-engineering my resolutions.

I will be back... sometime in the new year. Refreshed.

Take good care everyone, take comfort with all the good things we have in life :)

FirstAid a requirement

I had to take my child for a GP review last Thursday at the local clinic. I couldn't escape from work until half three. I reached the clinic just before 4pm. To my surprise there were still quite a number of people waiting. The many people waiting was an unusual case. At that late time.

No one was attending the reception. A notice said they were closed. "Great", I thought. But a staff saw me and after explaining to her why I was late, she gave in out of sympathy. Bless her.

Lucky for me, dad was waiting to see his doctor too. It was him who mentioned that there was an emergency in one of the treatment rooms, and all doctors were attending to it. His appointment had to be abruptly stopped temporary for his doctor to take the emergency call. So, the waiting didn't bother me.

Dad got called back in, and cheeky of him, took my daughter along to get reviewed. I must admit I felt guilty, but it saved my time; I let him be. I am only human.

While waiting for my driver to pick us up (I was unwell and safety comes first - I had to be driven), I had the chance to talk to the clerks and nurses. They told me of the emergency. Sadly, despite everyone's efforts, a young child lost his life after choking on rambutan.

My condolence goes to the family. I'm writing here NOT to add salt to their wound, but as a parent myself I feel for them. I don't know where it went wrong, but the child was alone with their domestic helper. Parents were working.

This could happen to any of us. Most of us are working parents and having to leave our child in the hands of our helpers at home. Forget our helpers, even many of us parents do not know how to handle emergency situations.

Just earlier this year, I was requesting a colleague to put me on the list if they were to hold a workshop on FirstAid. I've not been called yet. I've also had at the back of my mind to send my home helpers for First Aid courses, if they were available. This recent incident call for urgent attention.

I'm blogging to request the Ministry of Health to establish First Aid trainings for the public, and for domestic helpers and drivers. They could charge us a fee. The employers will pay for their employees.

Perhaps also, the Labour Department could impose some kind of policy to ensuring domestic helpers have the most basic training of first aid, and Health and Safety (including handling fire, exiting premises, etc). The latter should be done in coroperation with the Fire Brigade.

If these are established, please make sure that registration are easily accessible (possibly on-line) and the public are aware of the trainings.

It's not easy...

But who says it won't be difficult? I must have lived in fantasy world when I first thought things will all be plain sailing. No storms, no rough tides...

Haha... I must have been kidding myself. Nevermind. We all learnt from what crosses our life path. This is why I kept coming back to my theme song (You Gotta be - Desree) when I was an undergraduate. God knows where I kept my CD singles. I've a big collection of them then. I got to look for them. Stashed somewhere. At least Youtube's around to play this all time favourite of mine. Dedicated to you all, feeling the way I feel. We just have to be strong and tough.





Well, it's been a month since I last posted. I didn't even post anything worth reading in the last few months. I'm just not thinking... I'm unsure whether it's plain boredom or just out of ideas. The first is more likely. There are many to talk about, but to pen them or rather key them in here is something that requires time. I just don't have that recently. Bogged down with jobs. Even I can't finish my tasks at work, let alone trying to play around here.

Yup, I'm pretty much behind schedule with my usual project. Plenty of things to be done. I've hands to help, but this is really busy time of the year, everyone is trying to finish their own projects. Asking for help, ofcourse doesn't mean I'm incapable, just that it makes me feel guilty. Cause some people can't say no to you, when they are not sincere to help. So, I let myself handle those tasks alone. I'll get them done soon, I hope. They need to be, anyway.

I was PO-ed with a colleague the other day (been sometime, just before raya actually). Sometime early august she was avoiding me whenever i asked her when we should begin 'our' project. After a while, she diplomatically said she's passed me to do some administrative tasks only - and that should be sometime next year. That was not part of the plan. So basically, she has 'politely' taken me off THE project team. I was annoyed, but somewhat accepted that. It wasn't the end of the world.

But then suddenly just before raya when pressed by 'her' client, she came smiling and oh!so friendly. Asking me to produce a proposal for the project URGENTLY. Too bad for her - I've not bothered at all doing the proposal till now. As far as I'm concern, I am not in her 'team'.

I bumped into her yesterday, and she looked PO-ed with me. Do I care? No. Well, what can I say... Life's a bitch. If you can't beat them, join them.

(God forgives me...)

Maaf Zahir Batin

Wishing everyone a wonderful Eidul Fitri 1429. May Allah Bless Us All.

Best wishes,
Winx