I'm trying my best to move my thoughts positively. I've had the delay effects from yesterday. It's not easy, never easy, but I've managed so far. I had a few teardrops this morning as I took my weet-bix and hot chocolate. Am I angry? I shouldn't be. Am I sad? I don't need to be. Am I frustrated? why should I be? I've tried my best...
It's not easy being a mother. It's not easy being a step mother. It's not easy being a step mother to an adopted daughter. It's not easy being a step mother to an adopted daughter and coming into her life when she is four and had another mother before then.
Maybe she had a beautiful life before you, may be she had the best mum before you, may be you came in too soon in her life and she doesn't want you. There're so many maybes. There're so many thoughts in you. Maybe I could never replace the mothers before me, but I'm trying my best to be the mother she has now. I may not be the kissy-huggy mama to her, but I do care. A whole lot.
But why do people say "she was ... (like this and that), when..."? why tell me? Why tell me off? why try make it like I care less?
Where were you all... when I congratulate her when she tops her class, when I kiss her forehead when I leave for work, when I prioritize her over my work, when I hug her in trying to make her feel secure, when we laugh together about boys?
Why only see ... when I tell her off when she needs disciplining, when she looks 'incomplete', when she looks unhappy?
May be you all mean well, may be I'm overly sensitive. I am after all human. But with all the maybes, I am certain about one thing. I've tried my best... and I will keep on trying.
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