Missing the opportunity

"Students' objective at this point in their lives is one and only one. Success in their studies," said the monarch. (The Brunei Times, Today)

Kind of miss the opportunity to be with the rest of the gang (students) at Intercont London this year. I should have been there by now, but I'm still stuck here. The deal was to make as much as correction as I could before I re-embarked with my transfer. It's not an easy deal, not for me. The corrections, the idea of going and leaving my babies, the to be set-up family venture, the school fees and the financing ... so much to consider. I have qualms in going, I've reweighed the options. But putting the d and the r in front of my name has been my dream.

It's hard. I envy people like Rogue Economist (the local freakonomics) who seems capable of writing her thesis in a breeze. She's got two toddlers with her and the hubby, yet she's focussed in her research. I wonder how. Incredible the way I see it. I think they are strong people. A colleague of mine was in a similar situation. Look where she's now. She's just got a promotion. I know I am at par with her, in terms of intellect and contributions. Only difference is, she's got the title. Yet, I'm still not pushing myself harder. As if gratified with what I've acquired so far. I mean, my career and its development.

I don't know my excuse. This thesis is not coming along as I want it to be. The data is still good, but I can't leave it for longer. It's an original idea, but I've seen an almost similar theory in the journal this year. The same authors are interested in my work, they want me to group with them; I am interested in getting established, but I have to stay focus with my current goal. I said, let me finish my corrections, let me graduate and we'll cross-culturate.

Sigh! My fault. But, I'm redha. I don't regret how my life has come along. It's been a great 4 years since. The greatest, of course with the ups-and-downs. I just have to learn to be strong, focussed, disciplined and to have faith.

It's not a time to fantasize. No, no longer. The kids are growing, and they'd want a role model. I should be that person. I am that person.