Old friends abound

The blogosphere is an amazing world. You never know what you'll discover next.

I was just clicking in random in blog nation, reading thoughts, rantings, musings, ramblings of Brunei bloggers. Some interesting, some funny, some cute, some scary, some beautiful, some envious, some 'sassspen', and so much more.

But, I wasn't prepared for ... Ah! let's say ... blogosphere makes the world such a tiny place. Anyway, I thought I give the site a read. So, annoying. God! And that reminded me why ...

I guess I'd have to add to my some-s list above: some annoying.

Nonetheless, great efforts by everyone. And I'm impressed with the abundant talent, creativity, dedication, and oh! don't forget EMOTIONS. In honor of my new favourites, I will be linking a few of them (as usual without permission):

• Anakbrunei.org: among the pioneers of #Brunei IRC-ers. Old friends, you can't get rid of them easily in this wired-world. Hats off to his success. (P.S. Reeda, thanks for reminding me how fat I've become)
  
• Ramblings of a pre-claimed bimbo: for the empowering thought of a 19 yo. Definitely better than wonderbra. She's funny.
  
• withaku.com: with him I found beautiful pictures. Wow.
• womaninawetsuit: adventurous woman that I truly envy. Sexy.
  
• YPI: Parking idots caught in action. How deserving!
  

P.S GFs, I miss you

Dear Yatie, Sarah, Elena and Liz,

It's been ages we've not seen each other. I miss you all, a whole lot. I wish you all were here, so we could dance this day away. Great friends are hard to come by. I'll forever cherish us, our friendships.

Take care for now. I love you all.

xxx000xxx

I'm no supermom

I'm trying my best to move my thoughts positively. I've had the delay effects from yesterday. It's not easy, never easy, but I've managed so far. I had a few teardrops this morning as I took my weet-bix and hot chocolate. Am I angry? I shouldn't be. Am I sad? I don't need to be. Am I frustrated? why should I be? I've tried my best...

It's not easy being a mother. It's not easy being a step mother. It's not easy being a step mother to an adopted daughter. It's not easy being a step mother to an adopted daughter and coming into her life when she is four and had another mother before then.

Maybe she had a beautiful life before you, may be she had the best mum before you, may be you came in too soon in her life and she doesn't want you. There're so many maybes. There're so many thoughts in you. Maybe I could never replace the mothers before me, but I'm trying my best to be the mother she has now. I may not be the kissy-huggy mama to her, but I do care. A whole lot.

But why do people say "she was ... (like this and that), when..."? why tell me? Why tell me off? why try make it like I care less?

Where were you all... when I congratulate her when she tops her class, when I kiss her forehead when I leave for work, when I prioritize her over my work, when I hug her in trying to make her feel secure, when we laugh together about boys?

Why only see ... when I tell her off when she needs disciplining, when she looks 'incomplete', when she looks unhappy?

May be you all mean well, may be I'm overly sensitive. I am after all human. But with all the maybes, I am certain about one thing. I've tried my best... and I will keep on trying.

Global Warming and Kampung Ayer kitani

(image source: http://www.worldproutassembly.org/images/TokoroYukiyoshi.jpg)

The BBC talked about the effects of global warming on the Himalayas yesterday. Ah gorgeous Himalayas! I have always dreamt of climbing up The summit. I know I am way too skint to try attempting the adventure. I don't think I've got all the skills as a mountain climber, but I can train for it. That's a dream to keep on fantasizing.

But that's not really the point I want to put across. It's NATURE really, and how we should appreciate what it has given us. The natural beauty that becalm us; the resources that bequest our survival and livelihood; the spirits it procreate. Boundless gifts to us human by God the Almighty. Alhamdulillah.

And yet, here we are - making no or little attempt to save the environment. Do we really care about it? I believe the question should be rephrased: DO WE REALLY CARE ABOUT US? Cause we are (at least part of) the environment. Just because God will one (judgement) day put us on a barren dessert, we don't need to prepare earth for that.

Global warming, that climate change ... I don't need to write an essay on what it is and what causes it. Google it, and you'll get a million links. The consequences are endless too. But one struck me - RISING WATER LEVELS.

I've not passed by Bandar for a while, but the other day on the way home from an uncle living along Kota Batu, we decided to drive through town. Kampung Ayer, the view is still impressive to me. There's so much history to it: the heritage - the industry, the technology - so much more and how it had evolved. It's such an authentic site.

(image source: www.kampung-boy.com)

No, I've never lived there. I know my ancestors did, in the last 700 years or so, from the day it stands. But, I don't know for how long it'll stay. The country is talking about conserving the site; there's development of a cultural village even. Those are good news, somehow.

But what's more pressing than that? When we passed by the other day, I saw the river almost touching some of the houses (and pantaran) floors. Unusual high tides, I thought. They said it's been like that in recent times. The cause, I never asked.

Watching the BBC yesterday prompt me to believing it's the effect of global warming. Yes, that climate change has resulted in the rising of water level in Brunei River too. My theory anyway. If other countries around the world are experiencing such high water levels and high tides, we are bound to experiencing the same thing. After all, we live in such a tiny world. The weather's warmer, the ice is melting and the water is rising. Across the oceans, seas and rivers. Including Brunei River.

Conservation and the cultural village will certainly take us back in time. Yet, that increasing water level cannot guarantee Kampung Ayer stays forever. I'm here to make pledges to reduce my contribution to global warming. So our heritage stays, and not just beautiful pictures in our kids' history books. Time to take action:

• Lights off, the air-cons too.
• Do things manually, as much as we can. Broom-it, not vacuum-it; hand-wash it, not machine-wash it. Save electrical energy, burn the calories. That's a 2-in-1 formula. So, manual would be the new game of the house.
• Reduce our rubbish, and we reduce the burning and land-fill in Sungai Akar.
• Get recycling bins, and teach the kids and helper on recycling stuffs. That's new culture to instill.
• Pampers? Cut down usage, or option 2: terry nappies. Should I? That's a very difficult one.
• Use fewer toilet rolls, and encourage as many girlfriends to go for Halawa waxing. That's definitely cutting toilet tissues usage. Hubbies will be happier too. Another 2-in-1 formula.
• Print papers - cut down too, that'll reduce further deforestation. So, next year's planner? From the mobile phone then, the **k**a *series. (I'm not trying to endorse capitalism, and my phone's brand).
• Going out?
  
• Plan route to reduce carbon emission from car.
  
• Park as far as possible from destiny (if walk-able). Meaning less carbon emission, and saves fuel.
• Or stay home, work at and from home, as much as I can. If I'm the big boss, I'll encourage E-work and less of the m-work. (p.s. Boss, are you with me?)
• Not forgetting: linking greenpeace.org in 'Winx ally'.

I know I'll think of more. Meanwhile, I hope you do so too.

Not just for Kampung Ayer, but for the love of earth, us and our future.

Missing the opportunity

"Students' objective at this point in their lives is one and only one. Success in their studies," said the monarch. (The Brunei Times, Today)

Kind of miss the opportunity to be with the rest of the gang (students) at Intercont London this year. I should have been there by now, but I'm still stuck here. The deal was to make as much as correction as I could before I re-embarked with my transfer. It's not an easy deal, not for me. The corrections, the idea of going and leaving my babies, the to be set-up family venture, the school fees and the financing ... so much to consider. I have qualms in going, I've reweighed the options. But putting the d and the r in front of my name has been my dream.

It's hard. I envy people like Rogue Economist (the local freakonomics) who seems capable of writing her thesis in a breeze. She's got two toddlers with her and the hubby, yet she's focussed in her research. I wonder how. Incredible the way I see it. I think they are strong people. A colleague of mine was in a similar situation. Look where she's now. She's just got a promotion. I know I am at par with her, in terms of intellect and contributions. Only difference is, she's got the title. Yet, I'm still not pushing myself harder. As if gratified with what I've acquired so far. I mean, my career and its development.

I don't know my excuse. This thesis is not coming along as I want it to be. The data is still good, but I can't leave it for longer. It's an original idea, but I've seen an almost similar theory in the journal this year. The same authors are interested in my work, they want me to group with them; I am interested in getting established, but I have to stay focus with my current goal. I said, let me finish my corrections, let me graduate and we'll cross-culturate.

Sigh! My fault. But, I'm redha. I don't regret how my life has come along. It's been a great 4 years since. The greatest, of course with the ups-and-downs. I just have to learn to be strong, focussed, disciplined and to have faith.

It's not a time to fantasize. No, no longer. The kids are growing, and they'd want a role model. I should be that person. I am that person.

He went into rehab, then they say go...go..go!

Dato (Dr) Haji Mustapha Ma in the conference told the media that the indicative factor of relapse in drug abusers or repeat abusers points to -insufficient follow-up in after-care after the person had received rehabilitation.

He also noted that the society is still adhering to a stigma of the person who had undergone rehabilitation, still branding them as drug addicts. This does not help that person to go back to society. Dato (Dr) Haji Mustapha said society, unfortunately, adheres to "once a drug addict, always a drug addict". (Borneo Bulletin, today).

I just got news that somebody I know is to be sacked in the next few days or so. Sad. He's just been into rehab; they, as in his employer, sent him there. I think for almost 8 weeks. Just barely a month out of rehab, he's got the axe. He thought they'd pardoned him; caught twice prior rehab. Finished rehab feeling good and refreshed. I guess re-born. The wife and him contemplated on going Umrah early next year, bertaubat. He went back to work, got a raise in his salary, and the allowance they've delayed over a year or so. The delay has got nothing to do with his misdemeanor. That was administrative.

Today, suddenly this. I guess, he just needs to be strong. His wife, too. I have sympathy for her. But she has got a strong family; a supporting family. They don't stamp 'criminal' on his forehead. They are more forgiving than his employer, a lot lot more. This would be a great challenge to them. That 'through thick and thin' is now more crucial than ever.

Heard it's his work environment is the cause of this. Colleagues abusing and trafficking drugs. Not for the faint-hearted. The sacking perhaps is a blessing in disguise. God knows more than the mortal eyes. Should he stay on, it wouldn't be best for him, maybe. I just hope he'll find a new job. At this low time, he needs confidence in life, and support from those close to him. May be it was his fault in the first place, maybe he was too weak to shield himself from temptations, but now is not the time to put pressure on him. He needs love and understanding. Then perhaps, his eyes would open wide. That there's life beyond addiction. That there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

I also hope what said today by BASMIDA is heard by his employer. Cause if society as a WHOLE are able to pardon offenders, we'll fight drugs at a different phase. It's about giving chances. This incidence has open my mind too. I'm calling out to everyone to put this in perspective:

NO to desolation, NO to guilt-feelings, No to shaming, No to depression

YES to forgiving, YES to acceptance, Yes to re-integration, Yes to encouragement

ALL equate to a huge NO to DRUG RECIDIVISM

(Image Source: juvente.klab.lv)

Reflections

It's December 3rd today; the new year is just round the corner and I'm getting ultra worried. I feel I'm not getting anywhere.

* My thesis correction - I am way overdue. I'm still stuck with my scales purification section. It's moving, but progress is very slow. I don't understand either. It's just the last two scales, and the simplest of all. Single items, they should be easy. Not. I've justifications for, and I've validated their applications, but the words are not flowing. Am I trying too hard to complete just one sentence, one paragraph, one section, one chapter? Or am I such a perfectionist that I keep reconstructing my sentences. My supervisor is. Perhaps, I am just too scared of more criticism from him. But critique is good. My work is good and original, I know. I just have to keep moving. At a speedy pace now.

Goal of the day: Finish correcting chapter 4 and 3.


* My weight - I am still overweight. I get complacent sometimes thinking it'll be easier to shed the kilos when I'm away. I always did. But I can't wait till I'm gone, it'll be embarrassing. They've never seen me big, let alone huge. I got to shape up to a comfortable look. Not just for myself and my confidence, but my health. I'm a young mother, and I want to see my grandkids one day. That's a long way to go. To stay healthy is one way to achieve that.

Goal of the week: 210 minutes of exercise minimum and 10,500kcal of f&b maximum


* My effort - is still very weak. My will is strong, but I lack discipline. I procrastinate many times. Thinking they're small, they're short and they'd be quickly done. But no, everything takes time, if it's to be perfect. It's not just about finishing, quality matters. But quantity helps; "sikit sikit lama-lama jadi bukit" as they prescribed at the 4th National Business Conference. So, I have to push beyond my limit, I gotta act. I got to change my attitude. I don't want to be part of the 'typical Bruneian.' I am not and I won't.

Goal of the month: to accomplish, to feel guiltless and to fly high happily into 2008